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Afterlife Gay Conversion Therapy for Gay Historical Figures – Sure, Why Not?

The trend of outing historical figures as gay will backfire on the LGBT community. So let's not stop the trend.

The trend of outing historical figures as gay will backfire on the LGBT community. So let’s not stop the trend.

(National Report) Everyday, it seems, a new moldering corpse is exhumed from past and declared a homosexual. While declaring historical figures gay or LGBT is supposed to be encouraging to adolescents struggling with identity, the whole process runs against the reassuring “It Gets Better” message, which plays perfectly into conservative logic.

Historians have embraced the recent trend of publically outing famous and infamous corpses from closeted graves. Merriwether Lewis, explorer of the Louisiana Territory is believed by many to be gay. James Buchanan is considered to be the first Gay President. Lincoln is rumored to engage in oval office penis fencing with an aide.

Books and “Guess Who Was Gay in History?” articles are being written and published all the time about dead people’s sex lives. Why? Because the LGBT community thinks teens want and need to know that dead people had homosexual sex. Knowing that famous historical figures had anal is intended to make a young people more at ease with their own sexuality.

The LGBT community is making a big mistake that must not be corrected for several reasons.

Young people don’t like thinking of old or dead people having sex. To the young person, old and dead are synonymous. Zombified Lincoln gay fanfiction might be popular, but the idea of a hairy old lanky guy making it with his nubile manservant isn’t going to win any hearts and minds for the LGBT community just as catching Mom and Dad doing the dirty doesn’t help kids embrace heterosexuality. In fact, there is a gross out factor that encourages vomiting, which is gender indifferent.

Catching Mom and Dad doing the dirty won't help the kids embrace heterosexuality. It surely won't make them gay either.

Catching Mom and Dad doing the dirty won’t help the kids embrace heterosexuality. It surely won’t make them gay either.

Young people think they are the Christopher Columbus of sex. They are self-centered little narcissists. No amount of ‘history’ will convince them that anyone does sex better or more pleasurably than them. Sure they may titter and giggle at the idea of Amelia Earhart being a lesbian, but they will somehow make her sex life less than anything done today, because they invented sex. Also, most teens believe scissors weren’t even invented then.

Young people don’t believe what they hear or read. They do believe what they see in movies. The Spartans were all totally gay for each other’s bodies, according to history. Because it wasn’t explicitly depicted in the movie “300” the information will fall on deaf ears.

Young people will harshly judge those that out the dead as homosexual. Young people are judgmental. They also instinctively root for the underdog, especially if struggling with gender identity. The fear of being outed publically is realized when historians hold up an individual from history as dead. Instead of being a comfort, the label of GAY on a historic figure is something seen as an intrusion on a person that can no longer speak for themselves.

Famous historical figures aren’t good examples that “It Gets Better.” Most lead closeted lives and died tragically or alone. For young people that desperately believe they are invincible, it is a message they aren’t yet ready to accept.

Post mortem gay conversion therapy for the dead isn’t going to be successful. Outing historical LGBT’s isn’t and never has been to comfort teens or young people struggling with sexuality. It does make middle aged LGBT’s more comfortable, but they are old and might as well be conservatives.

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2 Responses to "Afterlife Gay Conversion Therapy for Gay Historical Figures – Sure, Why Not?"

  1. Brodogfaceman says:

    4/5

  2. Rock Hudson says:

    I was buried with my bung hole stickin out of the ground so all my old buddies could stop by for a cold one .Dont forget the greatest military man in history, the corn hole colonel who ate whole kernel corn!