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Portland, OR Schools Abolish Lunchtime To Avoid Allegations Of Racism

verenice-gutierrez

You Have Done The Citizens Of Your Town Well, Mrs. Gutierrez

(Portland, OR) – Racism. It’s everywhere. Like a vile cancer that has managed to worm it’s way into every nook and cranny of our psychological landscape. It seems to be buried deep within the very molecular fabric of our culture–A pesky stain we just can’t seem to scrub away. Just when you thought that seemingly innocent objects were uninfected, if you squint at them hard enough through your white privilege microscope, you’re sure to find racism hiding there, mocking you.

There are some of those among us who are not afraid to call out the more minuscule nuances of racism before they end up blossoming into full-blown cross-burning extravaganzas. Brave social-justice warrior Verenice Gutierrez, principle of Harvey Scott elementary school in Portland Oregon, is just one of those people.

Gutierrez has encouraged others to pick up on the “subtle language of racism” whenever possible. She has rooted all over every inch of her schools campus like a truffle hunting sow in pursuit of those elusive nuggets of racism that might go unnoticed by the naked eye. What she discovered was
alarming to say the least.


Gutierrez’s Encounter With Illiberal Sandwiches Has Inspired Several Schools Within The District To Abolish Lunches Entirely

Gutierrez has managed to expose the racism hiding, in of all places, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She elaborated on this startling discovery recently to the Portland Tribune “Take the peanut butter sandwich, a seemingly innocent example a teacher used in a lesson last school year. What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?” Gutierrez asked. “Another way would be to say: ‘Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?’ Let them tell you. Maybe they eat torta. Or pita.”

Although the greater number of students at Harvey Scott happen to be foreigners who are dependent upon the mostly-White taxpayers of the State, Gutierrez is sending the potent message that subjecting them to sandwich racism is distasteful should never be tolerated under any circumstances.

Gutierrez’s encounter with illiberal sandwiches has inspired several schools within the district to abolish lunches entirely. Melinda Shale, principle of Dworkin middle school in Southwest Portland informed National Report in regards to the recent termination of her schools lunch program.

“After Gutierrez’s discovery, we realized that we were just enabling a system of indoctrination of subtle racism which is unacceptable. There is no reason to subjugate children to such vicious forms of racism within our school. Lunch period has now been replaced with a potluck style luncheon atmosphere where children are encouraged to bring their native dishes for all to share. White children will be excluded from this however, and will dine in a separate hall since we do not wish to promote or encourage patriarchal white privilege.”


It’s Become A Challenge For The Average Over-Privileged, Alabaster-Skinned American Citizen To Fight This Seemingly Endless War

The fallout from these changes has left hundreds of school custodians, many of them minorities themselves, out of work. Shale had this to say in regards to the layoffs. “Evidently custodians are just antiquated slaves to a racist and patriarchal system that needs to be reformed and that’s exactly what we are doing. It’s was unfortunate to learn that many of these individuals were not white, but I’m sure they will be happy knowing now they are no longer supporting a program which victimizes others.”

It’s become a challenge for the average over-privileged alabaster skinned American citizen to fight this seemingly endless war. We recoil in horror when we discover things we have unwittingly been enabling for centuries that are still currently bruising the feelings of those who are perhaps less fortunate due to our relentless domination.

Even as we strive to eradicate everything within our midst which may cause the slightest discomfort short of eviscerating our own bodies and dissecting every cell to demonstrate how sorry we are for the injustices our ancestors have inflicted throughout history, it will obviously never, ever, ever be enough.

Hopefully, with more like Gutierrez perfecting their ninja-like abilities to sniff out those ambiguous seeds of racism before they fester into the malignant tumors which currently plague us, we can eventually slay this dragon once and for all.


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6 Responses to "Portland, OR Schools Abolish Lunchtime To Avoid Allegations Of Racism"

  1. Angela says:

    So it is ok to exclude whites? That is racist as well. All children should be encouraged to learn and respect ALL cultures! No one should be excluded because of their skin color or heritage. This makes me sick!!!

  2. Mike says:

    Is this for real? I was thinking it had to be satire but I can’t find any signs on the page that it is.

  3. Tracy says:

    Is this a joke? This reads like an article from the Onion. Is this really happening? Let me get this straight: our children are exposed to all manner of dangers, brain washing, and abuse, etc., but yet serving lunch in school is banned because serving typical American fair is considered racist?!

  4. Tracy says:

    These crusaders have saved immigrant children from having to be exposed to the traditional foods of the land their parents chose to relocate to.

    Do we have any more windmills for these idiots to joust with?

  5. Tracy says:

    Are the children exempt from the potluck thing when their mother only has the time or energy or resourves to fix her own child his/her own lunch box lunch or not?

  6. DOUG says:

    Absolutely brilliant writing. The comments are hilarious icing on the cake. “I read it on the Interweb so it must be true & I’m offended.”
    We have a similar comment section in Canada on CBC, our publicly funded media (much like Britain’s BBC). Unfortunately, their serious reporting is (unintentionally) similar to your excellent satire, a soapbox for the hopelessly politcally correct. Would it be permitted to link your site as a reference for our hopelessly gullible?

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