(Sherwood, ND) – Hundreds of horrified and enraged parents stormed through the halls of Calcutta elementary school in Sherwood North Dakota demanding justice after two police officers burst into a classroom Friday morning and began tasing random children.
The officers, Hugh Roark and Darren Engen were detained shortly after the incident and remain in custody pending investigation, which senior officers describe as “heinous and unforgivable”.
Meanwhile, parents are left struggling to understand what would motivate the two “peace” officers to pull such a stunt. Officer Andrew Bergman who is working closely with investigators has reported during a press conference that the officers were apparently “bored” with the absence of crime in the tiny North Dakota town. They were also seeking somewhere to practice shooting their newly acquired tasers that the department had issued just a few weeks earlier. A handful of townsfolk had reported seeing the officers in a field along the highway shortly before the incident, firing their tasers at a herd of grazing cattle.
Several parents of children whom had suffered a tasing at the hands of Roark and Engen gathered outside the Sherwood Inmate Detainment Center demanding the perpetrators be handed over for a little dose of street justice. “Why don’t they give all of us parents some tasers so we can practice on those b*stards!”, screamed Holly Bradshaw before she spat in the face of another officer leaving the building.
None of the children tased attained any permanent physical injuries, but it is likely the incident will leave them scarred mentally and foster a lifelong hatred of law enforcement.
The police department has apologized profusely for the attack, stating that they are unsure how the two mentally unstable officers were able to pass the mandatory psychiatric evaluations but say they intend to look into the matter.
National Report regrets to inform our readers that the following story did not occur. It appears there was a grave miscommunication with one of our Mexican immigrant fact-checkers. They have since been terminated from their position and returned to their native county. We apologize for any inconvenience this story may have caused the wonderful and nonviolent town of Sherwood, North Dakota.