12192014Headline:

Oregon Town Using Fetal Tissue To Power Small Community

brooks-oregon-fetus-powered-town<National Report>(Brooks, Oregon) – Marion County commissioners recently approved a new “green” incinerator which generates electricity by burning tissue from aborted fetuses. “We have let this valuable resource go to waste for far too long”, explained executive commissioner, Cheryl Briggs. “Multiple clinics in several counties have supplied us with their fetal refuse. It has been enough to generate a consistent source of clean energy for over a month now. If our estimations are correct, we will eventually be able to power the entire town using this method.”

Some weren’t so enthusiastic in regards to the county’s new fetus-powered generators. Brooks, OR resident, Helen Maples, was horrified when we informed her of the project. “I’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that whenever I flick a light switch or operate an appliance, it’s going to be due to the fact that they are shoveling dead babies into a furnace. That is just wrong and I feel incredibly sick about it.”


Others didn’t seem to mind in the least that their humble little town was harvesting power from unborn fetal remains. “I think this is fantastic!”, quipped longtime Brooks resident, Gina DeRossi. “It helps solve multiple problems, when you really think about it. We are curbing overpopulation and we are putting all of this refuse to good use. I believe it keeps those babies from having died in vain. They aren’t sitting in some landfill somewhere, rotting and forgotten. They are remembered and celebrated every time we a device that requires electricity. It’s almost as if we are celebrating their little lives every day in a million different ways! It’s not morbid or wrong. I believe in a woman’s right to choose and if we can remember the babies this way, then so be it.”

Several other surrounding communities have begun negotiations to install their own “green fetal furnaces” which may pose some challenges for Brooks County. Dale Lyons, who is the director of the current program had this to say, “There may be a shortage of fetal tissue to go around if other cities end up adopting this technique. The solution to that will be to outsource tissue from surrounding states and counties so there is never a shortage. I mean, let’s face it. Abortion is never going to disappear. It’s important that we utilize this resource to the fullest extent.”


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7 Responses to "Oregon Town Using Fetal Tissue To Power Small Community"

  1. suitcase says:

    I hope those involved with the energy production have already used the edible left over parts for good uses. Dog food manufacturers, chinese restaurants, taco stands are among those that can recycle the fetuses before the rest of the waste is put in for fuel for energy production. Waste not, want not.

  2. Jen Harris says:

    I live near Brooks and can confirm this story. My wife’s family lives there and says it is incredibly disturbing. I would just up and move!!

  3. Donnie says:

    I couldn’t believe it when I heard this on the radio the other day. As a lifelong resident, I am SOOO ashamed!

  4. Anonymous says:

    The human body is mostly water and due to this uses more energy to burn than it gives off.

  5. jorod says:

    These people are giving the Nazis a bad name.

  6. Jerry Greenberg says:

    I would have thought using excremented fices from the sewer system would have been a more efficient and a better approach. If there are farms nearby that have cattle and pigs, there can also be a lot of fuel extracted from what these animals exctrement.

    The processing plant where the methane extraction is performed would have to be far enough out of town to not create a stench problem. I can’t imagine sitting down at the table having supper, and being imposed from the type of stench that would be released from such a facility.

    In a way this is terrific efficiency. The people and animals in the area do their craps, and from that they can light their homes, cook their food, watch TV, and run their computers. This is a very self sufficient system if they can make it work!

  7. Boganboy says:

    Actually there’s not enough fetus’s to keep the furnace going, even though they’ll be including the corpses of everyone else that dies as well, along with dead cows and cats and dogs from the pound. It’s a deadly secret, and I rely on you to tell no-one, but hidden under this masterpiece of green technology is a nuclear reactor. The radioactive potassium and carbon 13 in the corpses disguises the deadly radiance from plutonium the dreadful and uranium the awful. This is just a pilot project for solving the radioactive waste problem by burying it in cemeteries. If no-one notices, any radiation detected will be attributed the normal radioactivity of the dead.

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