04212014Headline:

Nelson Mandela Dead At 95, 5MPH Faster Than Paul Walker

Civil Rights Activist Nelson Mandela before his death.

Civil Rights Activist Nelson Mandela before his death.

This past two weeks has been full of tragedies. First, we lost a beloved actor named “Brian Griffin” and then we lost another actor named Paul Walker who played a character named “Brian Conners”. Just today, we lost a third celebrity, proving the rule of three once again. The third wonderful person to lose their life was Nelson Mandela. Nelson Mandela was a famous African-American Dictator from Johannesburg, South Africa. He fought for equal rights for the African-Americans in the White, German run country of South Africa. He is survived by his wife Madiba Mandela, and two children, Django Mandela age 27 and Kunta Kinte Mandela age 48. He was known as a peaceful Dictator who helped the blacks overcome their White oppressors and moved his country back to Third World Poverty.

The President and Vice-President of South Africa that Nelson Mandela murdered to gain power.

The President and Vice-President of South Africa that Nelson Mandela murdered to gain power.

The most shocking thing surrounding his death, is the fact that he was killed in a Drive-by shooting while smoking his medical marijuana on his front porch. The part about the drive-by isn’t shocking in an African-American neighborhood, but the fact that a 95 year old man knew where to purchase the deadly drug marijuana is very strange. This screams “C.I.A. or Illuminati Assassination” to me. No matter what you do for your country, you are never safe from attacks on your life. Paul Walker died from an Amazon Drone attack, Nelson Mandela from a drive-by shooting and marijuana overdose and Brian Griffin from a car accident after he was dizzy from masturbating while reading the Atheist Bible. We need to be even more vigilant now, and protect our children from the Illuminati and Obama.

Proof that Obama is Illuminati.

Proof that Obama is Illuminati.

My deepest and heartfelt condolences go out to the Mandela family, and I truly hope that my $5 donation to Sally Struthers’ charity brings you as many meals as she promised me it would.

God bless and stay safe.

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12 Responses to "Nelson Mandela Dead At 95, 5MPH Faster Than Paul Walker"

  1. Duwald says:

    Milton Freewater Jr the only thing thats true here is that Nelson Mandela died,the rest of,or your story is BULLSHIT !!!

  2. BitterClinger says:

    Mandela was a Communist, a card carrying member of the SACA. He and his wife were also into blowing up various establishments, many that were frequented by children. His wife was once heard talking about hanging tires around the necks of little kids… so let’s stop with the love-fest and call this guy what he really was.

    • richard cubitt says:

      nelson mandela did more good for the world than you ever will do, so stop insulting great men who have just died,he did what he did for the good of his country, so why don’t we call you what you should be called, hitler

  3. Realist says:

    Wait a second, are you saying weed is a deadly drug? Would you please supply your sources for this claim?

  4. lillian fabricant lillian fabricant says:

    Oh Noooooo…! I loved him on that Jack Benny show! But to be honest, as buckwheat, from The Little Rascals, he actually set the Negro movement back a little.

  5. Joseph says:

    I sincerely hope the author of this article isn’t a paid writer. Spell and fact check! I could fill a dissertation correcting the inaccuracies of this piece.

  6. james says:

    Miton freefagit I hope you die you pos

  7. Slaw says:

    This article is a load of crap. I masterbate every day to the Atheist Bible and I never get dizzy (unless I’m sniffing glue).

  8. Megan says:

    If you guys can’t sense the satire in this….then maybe you should go back to high school english class. Seriously….she’s kidding. Obama and the Illuminati? Come on. It’s exact purpose is to get a rise out of illiterate, believe-anything-they-read-on-the-internet, people like yourselves. Get off your high horse.

  9. Zoey says:

    You guys don’t even have the picture right! Seriously? The pic is Martin Luther King Jr. :-)

  10. John says:

    This is clearly satire you fucktards…

  11. Mel says:

    Fuck thats hilarious

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