10202014Headline:

National Report Offers FEMEN Members Asylum at Corporate Office in Los Angeles (NSFW)

FEMEN

National Report publisher Allen Montgomery announced today that he has personally offered asylum to the entire feminazi group FEMEN. While the Ukrainian feminist movement (best known for its topless demonstrations) has recently been offered asylum in Socialist France, Mr. Montgomery has offered free room and board at the corporate offices of National Report located in Los Angeles.

Founded in 2008, FEMEN has built a worldwide reputation of staging political protests using their nudity to draw attention. These topless women protests against sex tourists, religious intuitions, international marriage agencies, sexism and other national and international topics and have drawn scrutiny from governments across the globe for their demonstration tactics. The organization describes itself as “fighting patriarchy in its three manifestations – sexual exportation of women, dictatorship and religion”, but have received the most attention for their beautiful, young and succulent breasts.

FemenInna

FEMEN Leader Inna Shevchenko

Members of the group, including leader Inna Shevchenko (who was the member granted asylum in France), have been subjected to threats of violence and intimidation. Several criminal cases have been filed against FEMEN in the Ukraine with charges ranging from “hooliganism” to “desecration of state symbols” and various members have been obtained by police during protests in Belarus, Ukraine, Sweden and Tunisia (to name a few).

When interviewed, Montgomery stated, “What these women do is commendable to say the least. Their bra-burning moment has captivated the spirit of today’s feminist movement in the Ukraine and it’s unfortunate they have received such a harsh backlash from government officials. As a news agency we simply can’t stand on the sidelines and watch these brave ladies be persecuted for speaking their minds and standing up for their rights.” Montgomery went on to add “We have a few couches, a couple guest suites and a bunch of young virile and single men here at the office and having  a bunch of hot naked chicks around would certainly liven the place up.  These feminists playing out of their league in a man’s world are so hot.  I mean, have you seen the rack on that Inna chick?”

No word at this time of the group has accepted the offer extended by Mr. Montgomery.

 


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19 Responses to "National Report Offers FEMEN Members Asylum at Corporate Office in Los Angeles (NSFW)"

  1. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    While I’m all for helping out refugees, especially since Allen let our phillipino office boy/janitor Manwelleau go, and these carpets are a mess, especially around Barbara’s desk, my visions of a better vacuumed workplace don’t deceive my other senses that the environment would be improved with black eastern european underpants draped on everything and applecores everywhere. If anyone (besides Barbara) gets nail polish on my keyboard I’m getting out the swatting broom, and I mean it. I haven’t got the pads for that nonsense. I wish Allen would just buy a Jaguar already, and stop wearing Don Ed Hardy to business lunches. That waitress is laughing at you, not smiling, and her girlfriend is the chef btw.

  2. Nigel Covington Nigel Covington says:

    At first I thought Allen’s decision to harbor Feminazis in our offices might make for a good time… until I saw the faces on those diesel-dykes. Allen can’t we get some college frat girls instead?

  3. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    Those underpants don’t have a single flower on them. I don’t like thinking about what kind of stains black panties are needed to hide, how could you ever feel clean wearing or sniffing them? You can’t.

  4. Anonymous says:

    The fuck! All these women look like crack heads. That would explain why they would do such stupid shit. And people wonder what the fuck is wrong with this country!

  5. Anonymous pig says:

    Inna Shevchenko looks just fine to me.

  6. fuck u says:

    Bunch of ugly ass worthless cunts.

  7. Editor in Chief says:

    We did a story on them as well. They do their cause more harm than good. (Their seems to be an epidemic of this lately)

  8. anon says:

    Nice tits!

  9. HeyThere says:

    So much for coexisting. :/

  10. Kin Wellard Kin Wellard says:

    Dear Allen,

    I commend your approach and can only say that while we have been sheltering Yulia Tymoshenko at The Canterbury Times, we have had absolutely no nail polish or panty-related problems.

    Some of the female staff-writers felt the need to soup-up their hairstyles a bit, leading to some amusing “Princess Leia with dodgy teeth” moments, but on the whole, out of ten, I’d give her one.

    That is, go for it, and good luck sneaking them in them past your charming customs people. Perhaps you could lend them some of Stuart’s spare moustaches, and pretend that they are your Muslim Brotherhood mates?

    Cheers! Kin

  11. MAC says:

    Check out the nipples on the second slut from the left in the group picture! Those things could be considered deadly weapons.

  12. Anir says:

    So sad, seeing people like that.:(

  13. Coralie says:

    Wow! Great thknniig! JK

  14. D3M1L0RD says:

    so a bunch of girls protest by taking their shirts off… and we see a problem how?

  15. Kerry King says:

    Are they strippers? Where are the fat old men with dollar bills? Do they get paid to wear those ads? how can I hire them to promote my Subway sandwich franchise in Oklahoma?