08302014Headline:

NASA: Water On Mars Proves Planet Could Support Riverboat Casino and Hotel

NASA - Artist rendering of potential Mars profit center.

NASA – Artist rendering of potential Mars profit center.

By Ashley Downes-Cox

Houston, TX – Not since the cold war have we seen this kind of push from NASA to achieve greatness. Over $14 Billion has been spent in fiscal year 2013 alone toward research and development of a manned mission to Mars. According to NASA Administrator Charles Bolden “The US has found itself once again in the midst of a space race.” But the enemy in not the Soviet Union. There is a new threat to US technological and economic prosperity.

Since 1988 when Congress passed the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act (IGRA), which provided a regulatory framework for Indian gaming, Native Americans have dominated the riverboat gaming industry, outpacing pale-skin gaming companies year over year.

Bolden warns “We must get there first. Nobody remembers the second country to land on the moon, do they?” hearkening back to the days of the US-Soviet space race that was propelled by President Kennedy’s inspiring 1962 speech. “and no one will remember the second riverboat casino on Mars”.


Evidence is mounting that Native Americans may have already begun planning a mission to Mars. Eye witnesses have reported strange activity in and around a local Indian Casino. “I’ve seen them. Indians out on the street late at night, staring up into the night sky. Staring for hours sometimes.” said an Area Man who insisted we protect his identity citing “I don’t want Charlene to find out I blew the rent money on pai-gow and red-skinned whores.”

The National Indian Gaming Commission has not responded to our request for comment.

However, all of this effort may be in vain. We cannot know if native Martians have already been granted similar rights by the Martian Congress. If so, the local Martian competition may prove disastrous for NASA.



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One Response to "NASA: Water On Mars Proves Planet Could Support Riverboat Casino and Hotel"

  1. yaright dreamon says:

    what a RACIST CROCK OF SHIT. the national enquirer is a more reliable source of news than this piece of shit you call yourselves. TOTAL LACK OF JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY.