New Delhi, India — An Indian man was found not guilty Wednesday by a Tribunal of his elders for the gruesome murder of his wife of 42-years. The man, 54-year-old Aasif Zawaydeh, apparently had choked his wife to death, cut her body up and fed it to the family dog. His defense was that she sent him too many game requests on Facebook and because of this she needed to die. The man says his wife knew he didn’t like the Avengers movie and kept sending him game requests for it on Facebook even after repeatedly telling her to stop.
Zawaydeh explained to the Tribunal, “I told her numerous times to stop sending me these stupid Facebook game requests for Avengers Alliance but she never listened.” Zawaydeh continued, “I yelled at her, I beat her, I raped her, I let my brother rape her, I let the neighbors rape her, I let the village rape her and still she kept sending me these damn game requests for Avengers Alliance. I don’t like using Facebook except to stay in contact with old friends from my militia and she knew this. I don’t like the Avengers movie and I especially don’t want to play the stupid game on Facebook. This was clearly a defiant act on Allah himself!”
The Tribunal voted 12-0 unanimously in favor of the man saying that he was justified in the killing of his wife.
48-year-old Paul Horner from Amsterdam who is in Afghanistan because of work was at the trial when the verdict came in. “What is wrong with these people? I have to get the fu*k out of this country right now!”
A five-minute memorial for Zawaydeh’s wife is set for tomorrow. Everyone in the village is invited over to the Zawaydeh house to spit on the girl, rape her if they would like and eventually set her on fire. The town says hopefully this will deter any other woman from playing a joke.
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