07242014Headline:

Lawmaker Corks Gay Talk Hole with God’s Law, Crowned D&D Champ

Pennsylvania lawmaker Daryl Metcalfe (R) Speaks to others about his love of country and how to use Dungeons and Dragons witchcraft to peer into the future.

Pennsylvania lawmaker Daryl Metcalfe (R) Speaks to others about his love of country and how to use Dungeons and Dragons witchcraft to peer into the future.

(National Report) – Pennsylvania House Representative Daryl Metcalfe (R) has got game. Dungeons and Dragons game to be exact.

When openly gay Pennsylvania state Representative Brian Sims (D) planned to speak on the legislature floor on Wednesday, possibly to rub noses in the carpet, about the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, Metcalfe and a gang of other wizards preemptively blocked that noise with a 1st Amendment cork of power and a dice roll.

“I did not believe that as a member of that body that I should allow someone to make comments such as he was preparing to make that ultimately were just open rebellion against what the word of God has said, what God has said, and just open rebellion against God’s law,”  - Daryl Metcalfe, Dungeon Master Champion and Pennsylvania State Representative

Pennsylvania Representative Brian Sims (D) is stunned by the fortunetelling skills of Daryl Metcalfe.

Pennsylvania Representative Brian Sims (D) is stunned by the fortunetelling skills of Daryl Metcalfe.

Stunned into silence by the enchantment, Sims told reporters “I wasn’t planning on chastising anybody. I wasn’t planning on discussing how far we have to come in Pennsylvania or that we really have no civil rights in Pennsylvania.”

Sure you weren’t, because thanks to Daryl Metcalfe, you didn’t! Sims did uncork and make a statement later in the session.

“A few months ago I reminded this House that we put our hands on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution, not the other way around. What I did was in no way against the law of any God. I can’t call anyone a bigot, a homophobe or racist, but language used against me does not live up to the standards of this body.” – Brian Sims (D)

Many of Metcalfe’s supporters believe Sim is in over his head, choosing to twist The Constitution so he can win and speak Gay on the House floor.

Fine art D&D figurines used to stop gay talk before it can even happen.

Fine art D&D figurines used to stop gay talk before it can even happen.

Dungeons and Dragons is not recommended for the unsanctified, just as speaking in the hallowed halls of Pennsylvania government should be limited to those that can carry the great burden of knowing “God’s Law” and the witchcraft required to know the future, like what someone will say on the floor of the House of Representatives.

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One Response to "Lawmaker Corks Gay Talk Hole with God’s Law, Crowned D&D Champ"

  1. Lillian Fabricant says:

    Oh my lord Gay Speech is SO HARD to follow, with all them flourishy bits and old movie references and knowing when stuff was made and by who. it’s like listening to my cousin Cindy’s husband talking about sports with his poker pals, which I also cannot understand a word or number of, only what gays say always sounds more exciting and probably naughtier, and they will make YOU a drink, and they seldom lose pizza crusts down the cracks of the sofa cushions. I don’t see any reason for allowing it in the state capital, however. What’s the point of being told your earrings do or don’t work with that outfit when everyone there is beyond hope fashionwise? They might as well just wear sheets or floursacks on their heads and call it halloween in my opinion.