Kanye West has been scheduled to perform at Fred Phelps funeral procession next week in Topeka, Kansas. The aging patriarch of the infamous Westboro Baptist church passed away yesterday afternoon shortly after he had been transferred to a local hospice center.
Although his funeral is being held in an undisclosed location to prevent counter-protests, It has been rumored that Kanye West volunteered to make an appearance to pay tribute to the man who spent his life publicly hating jews, homosexuals and protesting funerals of fallen war veterans.
When asked why West would be so eager to perform at the wake of a such an unsavory character, he reportedly blurted out the following;
“Fred was an artist. A misunderstood artist much like myself. His drug of choice was God and I respect that in a man. He was a genius, a celebrity. A celebrigenuis, if you will. I don’t care what none of y’all mother-(expletive) say! He did exactly what he wanted, whenever he wanted, how the (expletive) he wanted to! His life should be honored just like any great man’s life should be honored. He was right up there. Y’all got Martin Luther King, Idi Amin, Nelson Mandela, Robert Mugabe and now y’all got Fred mother-(expletive) Phelps.”
“His Drug Of Choice Was God And I Respect That In A Man. He Was A Genius And A Celebrity. A Celebrigenuis, If You Will…”
Beyonce was asked to perform her smash hit “Halo” at the funeral procession, but she is said to have politely declined the offer. Kanye was more than happy to fill the slot, however.
Kanye is expected to deliver a festive rap-narration to a slideshow of Fred Phelp’s career. The coup de grace to the entire event will culminate in Kanye being crucified on a gigantic glowing white cross flanked by half a dozen ballet dancers holding portraits of Phelps, while 600 white doves are released into the sky. “It’s going to be the most important performance of my career” West stated.