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Jeff Hanneman Of Slayer Burns In Hell


Jeff Hanneman Burns In Hell


<NR>Recently a weak-willed servant of Satan drank himself to death after a necrotic spider bite took away his ability to strum the Devil’s chords.

Jeff Hanneman was the 49-year-old alcoholic guitarist of the horrendously overrated heavy metal band Slayer. In 2010 the musician’s evil deeds finally caught up with him when God smote the jock-rocker with necrotizing fasciitis. After facing amputation and losing 80% of the dexterity in his right arm, he was then kicked out of the very band he helped found. He was left a recluse who passed the days in his lavish mansion located deep in the Hollywood hills, wallowing in dolorous self-pity and drinking himself into an early grave.

Unlike born again rock star, Rick Allen, who lost his arm in a car accident back in 84, Jeff Hanneman simply did not have the internal fortitude to acclimate to his new-found shortcoming. His pact with the Devil had run its course and it was time to pay the piper in true Faustian fashion.

With obvious disrespect to his proletariat fans, Jeff Hanneman decided against picking up a different instrument or acquiring the ability to play guitar with his feet–as many amputees have done–and instead took the coward’s way out. He pickled his liver to the point of no return, dying alone, unloved and abandoned by his former band mates in a Los Angeles hospital.

Alas, it seems no one in the world cares about the imbecilic fans of Slayer. Least of all the members of Slayer themselves.


***UPDATE: May 6th, Manfred Peregrine Hospitalized After Savage Attack By Slayer Fans. Read full story here.

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974 Responses to "Jeff Hanneman Of Slayer Burns In Hell"

  1. Caleb says:

    Have some respect for the dead. Even if he is in hell(which I don’t quite doubt), speaking ill of him doesn’t make you any better.

  2. Steve Slayer says:

    FUCK YOU YOU SMALL SHIT HEAD

    SLAYER RULES AND ALWAYS WILL

    I HOPE WHEN YOU DIE JEFF RIPS YOUR HEAD OFF AND EATS IT

    IN AN AFTERLIFE SHOW

    ANYONE WHO CAN SAY SUCH SHIT ABOUT SUCH A

    GREAT MAN IS NOTHING

    AGAIN FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!