10262014Headline:

Hello Superman, Goodbye to Sharia Body Hair Law

Thank goodness the hairless man-chest is in cultural decline. It means Sharia Law is losing a grip on America.

Thank goodness the hairless man-chest is in cultural decline. It means Sharia Law is losing a grip on America.

 

Hairy-Superman-artworks-design-Threadless-comics(National Report) – Since 9/11, body hair has been absent from the public eye partially because a hair in the eye is irritating, but also because Americans have unwittingly accepted Sharia body hair laws.

I heard the Prophet (saws) saying. “Five practices are characteristics of the Fitra (nature): circumcision, removing the pubic hair, cutting the mustaches short, clipping the nails, and depilating the hair of the armpits.”

Both the believing men and the believing women are obliged to remove their unwanted hair from their pubic region and from under their armpits.  One may use any means or method to remove the unwanted hair including clipping, shaving, the use of chemicals, etc. – “What is the ruling in Islam about the hair on body?”

The blind adoption of Sharia body hair law, aside from the illegal induction of a Muslim president, is the most successful Islamic operation for world domination.

For the past decade body hairs have been plucked, shaved, lasered, waxed or depilated to scrawny tufts in unintended exaltation of Islam. We are not just talking beards and moustaches, but chest hair, leg hair, Brazilian bikini areas and those pesky side burns that many women have.

Fortunately, a hairy chested Superman is on the horizon to end American’s blind allegiance to Sharia rule and return America to her luxuriant former glory.

According to Sharia Law, Obama removes his chest hair.

According to Sharia Law, Obama removes his chest hair.

The Real Superman is American, and Hairy

President Obama has made it a point to show his naked chest to media and Americans at every turn. It has been suggested that the President wanted to give his historic “I killed Bin Laden” speech shirtless. Campaign managers quickly pointed out that the action would turn America’s attention to Sharia hair laws.

Time and time again, Obama has tried to use vanity and tolerance as tools of acceptance for Sharia law. Time and time again, the American people have responded with a resounding “NO WAY”. The one exception is body hair.

 

Some groups still promote American values like a man's chest hair.

Some groups still promote American values like a man’s chest hair.

America’s Forefathers (and Mothers) Were Hairy as Goats

The new superman is a hairy chested wonder of creation. It is a refreshing change from the Islamic forces at work within American society. Without all the pressure to remove body hair, the founding fathers surely were hairy as goats.

One can almost imagine the engineers of The Constitution, gathered together in the heat of summer, bodies slick with the sweat of sedition, driven by a love for God and America. Perhaps a young man, aged 17 to 20, called to fill the ink pots for that first congressional meeting, removes his shirt in the heat, pouring a pail of cool well water over his lithe body, the fine hairs flattened to a etched pattern that clung to the rippling dimples of his wood chopping physique by the sluicing liquid. Of course every man in that first historic meeting would be inspired to create the most important document of our time, The Constitution of the United States.

The women, including Betsy Ross, would quell their passions for the new country by sewing and baking small cakes.

Weirdos and homosexuals are prompted remove their body hair so they can pretend to be pornographic aliens from another planet.

Weirdos and homosexuals are prompted remove their body hair so they can pretend to be pornographic aliens from another planet.

Hair Grabbing Muslims Want Americans Under Sharia Law

Body hair as a component of the American way of life has been under Sharia attack, with every socio-economic group as a target. Instead of modest dress, Americans have exposed themselves to Islamic law by eliminating body hair and oiling the skin with fragrant oils and lotions by their own hand or by many exploring fingers, knuckles kneading the flesh to a luminous glow of Sharia submission.

By promoting body hair removal within certain groups, Sharia Law has infiltrated America.

Magazines, consumer products, salon services, corporate appearance policy, infomercials and entertainment actively encourage uprooting or eliminating body hair. For Christian audiences the absence of body hair is presented as a rejection of scientific evolutionary theory. Drug doers are slyly instructed to remove all body hair to circumvent employer drug screenings. Weirdos and homosexuals are prompted remove their body hair so they can pretend to be pornographic aliens from another planet. Even altruistic Liberals are targeted with the elimination of body hair as just a considerate thing to do, like a form of community service.

Of course, Atheists will do anything they think is against religion or posted on Reddit’s Atheism board, so they are the easiest of all to convert to Islam.

Fear is an effective motivator used in Sharia Law friendly advertising.

Fear is an effective motivator used in Sharia Law friendly advertising.

The internet, that dark abyss of mis-information, is even used to prey on the fears of Americans.

For anyone with a rational fear of giant marching hairy spiders or ferrets, the idea that lax grooming standards ruling the beach is frightening. It is nightmare many share after exposure to a certain Demi Moore image that lives on the internet. (Bing it only if your doctor says your heart is able to withstand the stress because prolonged viewing can cause arrhythmia.)

The fear of body lice, most notably pubic crabs has been probably the most effective fear tactic compelling Americans to shave down there. Ironically the years of shaving have made the parasite less prolific and nearly extinct even among hobos and street people.

If we are to win the battle for the hearts and minds of Americans, we need more portrayals of hairy chested heroes and hairy women.

What Next?

Related Articles

6 Responses to "Hello Superman, Goodbye to Sharia Body Hair Law"

  1. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    I think Superman relies on sleepover parties at Aquaman’s underwater mansion where electric jellyfish and tooth jawed lamprey fry and chew all that stuff off. Gay. I’d rather fly into the sun personally, but I’d keep my head in an asbestos bag if I were him…he’s got dreamy head hair. Lex Luthor…not so much.

  2. Smooth Operator says:

    Hey, Sharia law also says to wash your hands after taking a dump or a whizz, clean yourself by taking a bath and basically looking after your private bits on a regular basis. Hmm, maybe every clean person in America is a fundamentalist jihad yelling bazooka toting decapitating extremist muslim…….idiot!

    • Bitcat says:

      Smooth, you said it. Respect!! We need to find this writer and let the asylum know where he is. His multiple personalities are posting too! Check out the writings of Cassidy Pen and Manfred Peregrine for more laughs!

  3. alann says:

    what a load of crap and bollocks, you goofy comspiracy theorists

  4. alann says:

    Yeeaha, Bible belt morons, McCarthydesguised in religious intolerance…or let’s call you the Christian Talibans.

  5. Ruben Leon says:

    I just found out I might be a Muslim…