<NR>Toxic tides from the failing Fukushima power plant have been brewing up some frighteningly huge creatures off the shores of the Pacific.
Jasmine Santana was snorkeling off the Southern California coast when she noticed something unusual about 15 feet below. It was the lifeless body of a massive eel-like fish measuring almost 18 feet in length. She grabbed the colossal carcass and dragged it to shore where the stench of it’s decomposing bulk drove everyone off the beach.
This didn’t stop a horde of attention thirsty instagram hipsters from posing with the freakishly large decomposing radioactive mutant. They suppressed their urge to vomit long enough to gently cradle the massive putrid animal for a hasty photo shoot.
Jasmine immediately summoned scientists to harvest samples of the animals tissues to determine the cause of death. It was noted that when they tested the creature using a standard Geiger counter, the readings were off the charts. “We have never seen something this contaminated by radioactivity”, explained local marine biologist Harvey Dalberg. “I advise anyone today who has come in contact with the animal to refrain from reproducing as your offspring will have a 90 percent chance of being born with horrific congenital deformities. It is also a 98 percent possibility that these individuals will develop thyroid cancer.”
Dire warnings from researchers and scientists didn’t deter crowds of ogling onlookers from risking serious life threatening ailments just to catch a glimpse of the titanic oarfish. After the locals were finished mugging and mincing around the deceased behemoth, members of a local militia were summoned to fasten several pounds of dynamite to the 400 pound cadaver. They blasted it to smithereens, aerosolizing the contaminated corpse into the surrounding atmosphere. City officials have advised tourists and locals to avoid the beach for the next 30 days.