11192017Headline:

Feminism Linked to Deadly Fecal Parasite

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<NationalReport>Scientists at the University of Alabama at Birmingham have uncovered a shocking link between a disease transmitted through cat feces, called toxoplasmosis, and feminism. Previous studies have indicated that pregnant women are especially susceptible to toxoplasmosis. When the researchers performed a large-scale analysis of the children of women who had contracted toxoplasmosis during pregnancy, they uncovered a shocking finding: 87% of female children born to infected women later became hard edge feminists.

The scientists believe this correlation is due to the parasite transporting cat feces directly into the developing fetal brain, destroying its ability to properly develop.

Lead scientist Dr. Giles Neiler offered this explanation: “When Toxoplasma gondii, the causative agent of toxoplasmosis, infects the mother, the parasite carries with it a small quantity of cat feces, or so called “brown matter”. When the parasite moves through the mother’s body and enters into the developing fetal brain, it deposits this “brown matter” as it enters its next life cycle. This “brown matter” then mixes with the developing “grey matter” of the fetal brain. The grey matter of our brain is essential for developing reasoning, sensibility, and social grace. We often find these traits missing in feminists. Our research is suggesting that this mixing of brown and grey matter is what initially causes feminists to become feminists. However, I should stress that this research is still preliminary. It could also be that crazy cat ladies are simply more likely to raise their children in an environment that is conducive to developing these radical feminist ideals, such as equal pay, not cooking dinner for their breadwinning husbands, and having access to birth control and abortions.”

The researchers are now working hard to find a way to treat this terrible affliction. Dr. Neiler had this encouraging message for all of the feminists of the world, “Modern medical science is doing its best to help you remove the cat feces from your brains and get you back in the kitchen”.

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8 Responses to "Feminism Linked to Deadly Fecal Parasite"

  1. Julian Taylor says:

    When will someone put an end to this horrible disease?

  2. Dawnnnnn says:

    Well this is freaking RETARDED.

  3. Anon says:

    This is really stupid. Please tell me that this is made up or for jokes? I simply cannot stand to see such ridiculous ideas being used to try and give you a reason for why women are wanting to be seen and treated as equals! Look, I am well aware that your ‘old timey ways’ are what you’ve been taught and led to believe is how things are, but I am afraid that some women do not want their value to not be equal to a man’s simply due to some old stories and ideals! Good golly gosh you people must be hard headed!

  4. haley says:

    Such bullshit… or should I say cat shit

  5. Jim says:

    Yeah….

    And dog poop in your brain makes you a Republican.

    Amazing….

  6. DMW says:

    Ah I wonder who is behind this “news” site? Misogynists for sure. Why is Sarah Palin’s face on the banner and the other idiot Ted Cruz? This site should be totally ignored for the fallacy that it is.

    • Barry says:

      DMW, you think this site is terrible, you should check out FOX News sometime, but per your suggestion, everyone should totally ignore it for the fallacy that it is! Oh, wait, maybe they’re really satire too, and I’ve missed the point. Actually, it’s good to keep up on what all sides are talking about, so you can make educated points, while others just rant and call everyone names who doesn’t agree with them. Sometimes I need a grin, so I appreciate National Report’s ground-breaking reporting. And remember: If it’s on the internet, it must be true!

      (I’m a super genius, and exceedingly handsome! Rats, I guess there may be some exceptions to that.)

      As for curing this terrible plague of feminism, force them to have “Tea Parties,” that’ll set ’em straight!

  7. Janipurr says:

    This is a joke..right?