Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here speaking to children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Westview Elementary School in Apple Valley, Minnesota while on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour.

Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Tom Downey with the Phoenix Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Arizona news station ABC 15 about the arrest. “We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Things got very odd when Horner broke down crying in the back of my cruiser and began making noises, kind of like a fish, saying that he believed himself to be an actual dolphin. It was really strange.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done great things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

Horner told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. “I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love and miss you all,” Horner said. “You have my word that I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.”

On the group’s Facebook page this morning, news was posted of the arrest.

I have some bad news everyone. I want you to hear it here first before the media outlets spread their lies about the incident. Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is Paul Horner, was arrested yesterday by Phoenix police. Our lawyers tell us he is being charged with public masturbation, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. He is currently being held at the 4th Avenue Jail in Phoenix, Arizona until a bond is set by a judge, this happening hopefully soon. Please don’t jump to any conclusions about this until we have all the evidence. Please keep Fappy in your prayers during this difficult time.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach both children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call (785) 273-0325.

UPDATE 7/13/14: Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Pardons Anti-Masturbation Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation


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175 Responses to "Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation"

  1. I flap therefore I am says:

    I’m considerably more upset by the thought of these religious fanatic freaks sucking up my hard-earned money for such a moronic cause than I am about fappy wanking in public ::smh::

  2. The Fapper says:

    Ha ha ha, I love how the little brainwashed children consider this man in a fucking dolphin costume a public hero.
    “PRAISE FAPPY!” XD oh fuck me, I shot coffee out of my nose when I read that line.

    The kids that were visited by fappy are like the Hitler-Youth, only instead of being brainwashed to be anti-Semites, they’re being taught not to touch themselves, LMFAO.

  3. fap fap says:

    Lets all of us fap for his release….

  4. Jamie says:

    It’s not enough to tell kids that sex is evil and abortion is evil but now, masturbation is evil too? These people shouldn’t be allowed in general society, much less in schools.

  5. fapitome says:

    I believe that God will understand Fappy and let him go into heaven with the rest of them.

  6. glenn says:

    guess you can put those childrens signitures with the missing presidential election chads. They are just as worthless!1

  7. theawkwardtruth says:

    the ironic thing is that they chose a dolphin as a mascot. while dolphins are one of the many creatures to partake in sex for pleasure, rape, and homosexuality. yaaaaay christians!

  8. Mary says:

    God will forgive as with the priests pediphilia. Suppress the women and blame the muslims, go you good Christian brothers.

  9. K9Jack says:

    Indeed what an incredible example for what it does to your head if you force yourself not to masturbate.

    “Devils Stick” “Devils Doorbell”
    So after their genesis theory the body was created by the devil? Heck, even if I didn’t consider that, if I was Christian these people would make me feel ashamed.

  10. markmawn says:

    Not getting the dolphin theme. Why not a monkey with a clear anti-spanking message?

  11. Modern Max says:

    Not only might ‘tax money’ be being used for a religious item, but they are teaching children that lieing is going to happen and that it is alright to become a hypocrite. I wonder what their answer would be if you asked them that if “GOD” created human it ‘its’ own image, why did ‘it’ create beings that would have body parts that enjoyed masterbation…..unless “GOD” enjoyed it, ‘itself’?

  12. Tntom says:

    “31 city nation wide tour” = “the world”…. Showing you once an for all American Christians (for the most part) think that everything revolves around the ‘Murica!. Also why name it Fappy??? I mean the name sounds more like an endorsement specially since if I recall dolphins actually do masturbate along with everything a precious commenter mentioned.

  13. Tntom says:

    Previous not precious. Damn iPhones.

  14. Gail Coleman says:

    So, my tax money pays for this?? Outrageous! I’m all worked up now-think I may need to go fap!

  15. My kids LOVE Fappy and don’t believe a word of this. Just think, they are only 5 and 6 years old and they already know how DANGEROUS masturbating is! They won’t evrn touch their pee-pees to tee-tee! I’m so proud of them, my wife and I gladly overlook the mess on the bathroom floor! THANK YOU JESUS AND FAPPY!

    • Kinsey6 says:

      Oh dear God please tell me you’re just joking and not serious! People like amoremodestproposal are what’s wrong with this country!!!

    • I Fap Therefor I Am says:

      OMG I’m just praying that you’re joking. Please, tell me that was sarcasm? Please?

  16. Erin says:

    He’s called “The Tickle Monster”? How creepy! Sounds like he’s a child predator to me…using his position to touch little kids, and himself too. I hope if he is a molester, this will help victims to come forward and put him to a stop! And why the hell is federal money going to such an idiotic program anyways????? Who cares if someone touches themself, as long as it’s done in private and not breaking the law? This whole scenario is just ridiculous!

  17. I wonder if they realize also what Fap means?

    So let’s see…the use a dolphin to give their message…but dolpnins are known to have same sex.

    then they call this dolphin fappy…which means to masturbate.

    No wonder they have revealed themselves for the hypocrites they are.

    And this freak standing up and defending this?

    Sounds like they are getting lessons from the Pedophile Pimps like Cardinal Timothy Dolan of the Roman Catholic Church.

  18. Millicent Fluffworthy says:

    Did they say “federally funded?” How the blazing hells could that ever be constitutionally permissible?

  19. pasta pasteur says:

    fap fap fap,fap fap fap,fappy!

  20. Anonamouse says:

    Has the irony struck anyone one else that there mascot is a dolphin? That has been repeatedly pointed out to be a creature of sexual deviancy to start with? Its randy escapades alone are the butts of jokes in even cartoons like “King of the Hill.”

  21. Flap On Flap Off says:

    Is it considered masturbation when I’m finishing on a porn star’s face? I mean I’m kinda helping the process along and all, and its not going to aim itself – but that does mean that I have to touch it and I don’t want to go to double hell. Please advise.

  22. What the F says:

    Thank you crazy rightwing nut jobs for wasting more of our tax dollars. Without you we wouldn’t have the war on drugs, the war on terror, pretty much war, and most importantly we wouldn’t have “under God” in the pledge. Way to F things up.

  23. Wap Fap says:

    I’ve lost all hope for the human race.

  24. Mariana Correa says:

    Praise Fap-fap-fap-Fappy!

  25. Dolphin Lover says:

    Fuckin’ Obama.

  26. Christians are fucked says:

    Wow, this just proves the fact even more that most Christians are fucked in the head.

    • Sickening isn’t it?

      I, along with literally hundreds of thousands of others, have been raped, beaten and brutalized by those whom dare call themselves Christians.

      I now work exposing this evil. I can tell ya, if I were to post each and every name, each and every case of a priest, a minister, a pastor or a laymen, of the Christian religion, whom raped a child…it would boggle your minds.

      We just reported on one scum, a Christian missionary, whom raped dozens of boys and girls, between the ages of 4 to 12.

      We have confirmed reports, of priests, like Brenden Smyth, one of the most twisted of the Roman Catholic Pedophiles, whom raped and tortured so many children…and some of those victims have in fact committed suicide.

      Matter of fact, I am doing an Honor Roll blog, of the victims of Roman Catholic sex abuse, whom committed suicide, here are a few examples:

      1. PAUL Anthony Carson cowered in a phone box, shaking, crying and desperately begging his mother for help.

      At 21 years old and over six feet tall, he was reduced to a sobbing wreck by the very sight of a man he had not had contact with for eight years.

      That man was Martin Kerr, a paedophile who had subjected him to horrific abuse during the seven years his victim was an altar boy in West Belfast.

      Seven months after that brief glimpse on Christmas Eve as Kerr enjoyed prison parole, Paul Anthony hanged himself.

      2. Anthony and Chrissie Foster’s two daughters were repeatedly raped in primary school by their parish priest, Father Kevin O’Donnell.

      Emma Foster later committed suicide and her sister, Katie, took to binge drinking and was left disabled after being hit by a car.

      3. Helen McGonigle was 6 when, she says, the Rev. Brendan Smyth fondled, raped and sodomized her.

      McGonigle, now a 48-year-old lawyer in Connecticut, says Smyth abused her, her sister and even her mother over a period of two years.

      She believes the abuse drove her mother mad and drove her sister to suicide.

      Her mother was found hysterical, half-naked, on her front lawn, screaming, “The pope owes me,” McGonigle remembered.

      4. A police officer investigating a series of sexual assaults at a Catholic boys school in Ballarat has called for a parliamentary inquiry into the church’s handling of the abuse.

      Detective Sgt Kevin Carson, of Ballarat police, told the ABC’s 7.30 last night that up to 30 students had committed suicide since being abused at St Alipius primary school.

      5. Hundreds of sex abuse victims have come forward in Belgium with harrowing accounts of molestation by Catholic clergy that reportedly led to at least 13 suicides and affected children as young as two, a special commission said Friday.

      6. Conway Spring Kansas: There were five of them, hand-picked by the Rev. Robert K. Larson, a charismatic and demanding priest, known for stem-winding sermons and icy glares he would shoot toward parishioners whose babies’ cries pierced his Sunday service, or who dared to creep into church even moments after he’d begun to deliver the word of the Lord.

      Now, as their families explore the genesis of haunting downward spirals – desperate paths to isolation, hopelessness and self-destruction – they trace the suicides of their five sons to Larson, a now-imprisoned former priest who dressed dashingly, drove fancy cars, and molested his altar boys before striding imperiously down the aisle of churches where he was revered.

  27. christian Cock says:

    Thou shalt not polish the dolphin in public places.

  28. marty says:

    If we don’t remove this religious NONSENSE from our society, the human race will DIE OUT. Religious people are singlehandedly keeping the intelligence quotient of the entire human race in the tank. Get out of my country.

    • Fap For All says:

      Can I just say that your argument for masterbation is that (if the religious zealots are able to forbid masterbation) the world population will die out and, just for bonus points, you said ‘single-handedly’ roflmao

  29. belzebub says:

    nomen omen :)

  30. marcus says:

    I stopped reading after federally funded, glad to see our politicians are taking care of the deficit. :/

  31. Helen says:

    This so called group is promoting child sexual abuse. It is a pedophile group and needs reported to the American authorities.

    I as a British citizen cannot believe the Americans would fund such an organisation and America wonders why so many bad things happen in America!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    • mary says:

      Is this a real story?… I can’t decide…

      • Helen, you seem to have a misunderstanding…Americans…REAL Americans..DO NOT support them. I find it disgusting and so do many of us, that they even got taxpayer funds for doing this. As soon as I find out whom approved these taxpayer funds for this,,,believe me…I am going to be contacting them and asking why?

        We do NOT want any of our tax money going to any of these religious organizations. They get their tax breaks, worth billions, why should they also get our tax money to further their causes? That has to stop, but they have pretty much got the Repugnant party behind them.

        I am a firm believer in the following words of Thomas Jefferson, from his The Virginia Act for Establishing Religious Freedom:

        Be it therefore enacted by the General Assembly, That no man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested, or burdened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief; but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of religion, and that the same shall in nowise diminish, enlarge, or affect their civil capacities.

        I and many others are sick and tired of being compelled to support them…but they have the control…and as hard as we fight them…well. You know the politicians dontcha? That is our problem…they have many of their Christianists theocratic freaks in politics…and they use that power to further their causes and anyone whom stands up against this are branded Anti Christian bigots.

        So it is quite a battle truly keeping the clause of separation of church and state in this country.

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