07222014Headline:

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here speaking to children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Westview Elementary School in Apple Valley, Minnesota while on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour.

Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Tom Downey with the Phoenix Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Arizona news station ABC 15 about the arrest. “We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Things got very odd when Horner broke down crying in the back of my cruiser and began making noises, kind of like a fish, saying that he believed himself to be an actual dolphin. It was really strange.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done great things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

Horner told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. “I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love and miss you all,” Horner said. “You have my word that I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.”

On the group’s Facebook page this morning, news was posted of the arrest.

I have some bad news everyone. I want you to hear it here first before the media outlets spread their lies about the incident. Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is Paul Horner, was arrested yesterday by Phoenix police. Our lawyers tell us he is being charged with public masturbation, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. He is currently being held at the 4th Avenue Jail in Phoenix, Arizona until a bond is set by a judge, this happening hopefully soon. Please don’t jump to any conclusions about this until we have all the evidence. Please keep Fappy in your prayers during this difficult time.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach both children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call (785) 273-0325.

UPDATE 7/13/14: Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Pardons Anti-Masturbation Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation

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164 Responses to "Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation"

  1. I flap therefore I am says:

    I’m considerably more upset by the thought of these religious fanatic freaks sucking up my hard-earned money for such a moronic cause than I am about fappy wanking in public ::smh::

  2. The Fapper says:

    Ha ha ha, I love how the little brainwashed children consider this man in a fucking dolphin costume a public hero.
    “PRAISE FAPPY!” XD oh fuck me, I shot coffee out of my nose when I read that line.

    The kids that were visited by fappy are like the Hitler-Youth, only instead of being brainwashed to be anti-Semites, they’re being taught not to touch themselves, LMFAO.

  3. fap fap says:

    Lets all of us fap for his release….

  4. Jamie says:

    It’s not enough to tell kids that sex is evil and abortion is evil but now, masturbation is evil too? These people shouldn’t be allowed in general society, much less in schools.

  5. fapitome says:

    I believe that God will understand Fappy and let him go into heaven with the rest of them.

  6. glenn says:

    guess you can put those childrens signitures with the missing presidential election chads. They are just as worthless!1

  7. theawkwardtruth says:

    the ironic thing is that they chose a dolphin as a mascot. while dolphins are one of the many creatures to partake in sex for pleasure, rape, and homosexuality. yaaaaay christians!

  8. Mary says:

    God will forgive as with the priests pediphilia. Suppress the women and blame the muslims, go you good Christian brothers.

  9. K9Jack says:

    Indeed what an incredible example for what it does to your head if you force yourself not to masturbate.

    “Devils Stick” “Devils Doorbell”
    So after their genesis theory the body was created by the devil? Heck, even if I didn’t consider that, if I was Christian these people would make me feel ashamed.

  10. markmawn says:

    Not getting the dolphin theme. Why not a monkey with a clear anti-spanking message?

  11. Modern Max says:

    Not only might ‘tax money’ be being used for a religious item, but they are teaching children that lieing is going to happen and that it is alright to become a hypocrite. I wonder what their answer would be if you asked them that if “GOD” created human it ‘its’ own image, why did ‘it’ create beings that would have body parts that enjoyed masterbation…..unless “GOD” enjoyed it, ‘itself’?

  12. Tntom says:

    “31 city nation wide tour” = “the world”…. Showing you once an for all American Christians (for the most part) think that everything revolves around the ‘Murica!. Also why name it Fappy??? I mean the name sounds more like an endorsement specially since if I recall dolphins actually do masturbate along with everything a precious commenter mentioned.

  13. Tntom says:

    Previous not precious. Damn iPhones.

  14. Gail Coleman says:

    So, my tax money pays for this?? Outrageous! I’m all worked up now-think I may need to go fap!

  15. My kids LOVE Fappy and don’t believe a word of this. Just think, they are only 5 and 6 years old and they already know how DANGEROUS masturbating is! They won’t evrn touch their pee-pees to tee-tee! I’m so proud of them, my wife and I gladly overlook the mess on the bathroom floor! THANK YOU JESUS AND FAPPY!

    • Kinsey6 says:

      Oh dear God please tell me you’re just joking and not serious! People like amoremodestproposal are what’s wrong with this country!!!

    • I Fap Therefor I Am says:

      OMG I’m just praying that you’re joking. Please, tell me that was sarcasm? Please?

  16. Erin says:

    He’s called “The Tickle Monster”? How creepy! Sounds like he’s a child predator to me…using his position to touch little kids, and himself too. I hope if he is a molester, this will help victims to come forward and put him to a stop! And why the hell is federal money going to such an idiotic program anyways????? Who cares if someone touches themself, as long as it’s done in private and not breaking the law? This whole scenario is just ridiculous!

  17. I wonder if they realize also what Fap means?

    So let’s see…the use a dolphin to give their message…but dolpnins are known to have same sex.

    then they call this dolphin fappy…which means to masturbate.

    No wonder they have revealed themselves for the hypocrites they are.

    And this freak standing up and defending this?

    Sounds like they are getting lessons from the Pedophile Pimps like Cardinal Timothy Dolan of the Roman Catholic Church.

  18. Millicent Fluffworthy says:

    Did they say “federally funded?” How the blazing hells could that ever be constitutionally permissible?

  19. pasta pasteur says:

    fap fap fap,fap fap fap,fappy!

  20. Anonamouse says:

    Has the irony struck anyone one else that there mascot is a dolphin? That has been repeatedly pointed out to be a creature of sexual deviancy to start with? Its randy escapades alone are the butts of jokes in even cartoons like “King of the Hill.”

  21. Flap On Flap Off says:

    Is it considered masturbation when I’m finishing on a porn star’s face? I mean I’m kinda helping the process along and all, and its not going to aim itself – but that does mean that I have to touch it and I don’t want to go to double hell. Please advise.

  22. What the F says:

    Thank you crazy rightwing nut jobs for wasting more of our tax dollars. Without you we wouldn’t have the war on drugs, the war on terror, pretty much war, and most importantly we wouldn’t have “under God” in the pledge. Way to F things up.

  23. Wap Fap says:

    I’ve lost all hope for the human race.

  24. Mariana Correa says:

    Praise Fap-fap-fap-Fappy!

  25. Dolphin Lover says:

    Fuckin’ Obama.

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