04212014Headline:

Controversial New Study Claims the Bible Is Not the Word of God, but the Product of Evolution!

Bible<National Report>A team of Evolutionary Biologists, working with a select panel of religious scholars, representing most all the worlds religions, including Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists, announced today that they have proven that the Bible is not 2,000 years old. The new theory, which is surely to evoke strong rebuke from ‘Creationists’, ‘Intelligent Design’ advocates, and Christians worldwide, concludes that the Bible is in fact millions of years old and the product of millennia of evolutionarily predictable forces. The theory goes on to assert that the Bible is not the word of God, but that new evidence suggests that it is in fact the predictable manifestation of natural forces, scientifically observable here on Earth.

One example pointed to is the story of Noah and the flood. Sedimentary evidence, the theory states, proves that the flood, which has been a source of contention between Christian believers and scientists, did in fact occur, but that it happened no less than one and a half million years ago, and further, that humans did not exist at the time, so the story of an Ark and the animals, ‘two by two’, being saved, is just ‘silly’ and essentially a hoax.

The study goes on to painstakingly refute each book of the Bible, purportedly demonstrating that the individual books of the Bible themselves, contain overwhelming and irrefutable evidence that it could not possibly be the product of an omniscient being, or God, but in fact, a series of natural geological and biological phenomenon, much the same as tides, amphibians and the weather.

“Without the distraction, tangents and roadblocks constructed by superstitious believers, the Bible itself offers to any ‘thinking and reasonable person’, an abundance of incontrovertible evidence that it is not only not the word of God, but that God himself is a product of Evolution,” one biologist announced. “Our study demonstrates, with a high degree of scientific certainty, that the Bible is simply the product of random, but natural selection. Take the Book of Revelation, for instance. Believers in a supernatural being have long proposed that it somehow reveals future occurrences that only an all knowing God could possibly be aware of. The truth though, is that they are merely predictions based on probability, statistical anomalies and calculable aberrations. Aside from this, just as there is an algorithmic likelihood that 100 monkeys given a typewriter each, could have produced the works of Shakespeare, that same likelihood pertains to works such as the Bible. And as far as there being no typewriters millions of years ago, we need only imagine primates using sticks and clay tablets, much the same as their closest cousins, Human Beings.”

One of the study’s biblical scholars added that this new theory, while it in no way takes away the miraculous and imaginative influence the work has had, it at the same time, really underscores the power of fiction and fantasy rather than confirming the existence of the supernatural. “This whole business about there being a God who created the Earth, the heavens and all living things in just 7 days, is a marvelous, even inspiring myth to consider, and like all great works of fiction, it is inspirational, and in many cases, gives us hope. But to take it literally, requires not only quite a leap of faith, but demands that we set aside our ability to reason, and in doing so, clearly reduces the superiority of science and the infinite possibilities inherent in a ‘natural’ world.

The paper concludes by stating that there remains much more work to be done and that further testing will of course need to take place, but for now, the study’s authors urge that the theory be incorporated as soon as possible, into scientific textbooks as well as standardized educational curricula, beginning as early as elementary school. They also suggest that it be taught alongside the theory of Evolution itself, and that what they characterize as the “God myth’, has no place, not only in modern education, but ‘civilized society’ itself.

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17 Responses to "Controversial New Study Claims the Bible Is Not the Word of God, but the Product of Evolution!"

  1. Cassidy Pen Cassidy Pen says:

    I now know of a team of evolutionary biologists that are going to burn in hell.

  2. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    Blasphemy is so unattractive on balding nerds, and I’m sure Jesus got a good laugh at their inky-pocketed cry for help, which of course they do not deserve for being liars. 6,000 years is PLENTY of time to set up all the fake fossils and whatnots necessary to stage the hoax of ‘science’ and all that ‘molecular’ crap. Yeah, right. Esp. with Obama blitz-funding any pro-muslin false-flagging falderal they put in front of him!

  3. Lila G says:

    This only contradicts itself. Obviously, the bible is million of years old. Yes, Noah’s arc and the flood did exist. And yes, evolution has taken place. But that only proves even more that God exists. Just like they said, there’s no way monkeys could have written about history nor foretold the future if it weren’t for God.

    • Scott Otto says:

      How is the bible millions of years old when the religion based on it is only a couple of thousand years old. Monkeys didn’t write about history because they didn’t care as they were to busy enjoying a life free of Christian stupidity.

    • Alexie Bachman says:

      Every good God fearing Christian knows the Earth is only 6,000 years old, so how can the Bible be millions of years old? You need to read Genesis again, and count the generations this time! It is proof of the age of the Earth, and CREATION.

  4. Rev. Floyd Biggins says:

    Hallelujah Brothers and Sisters,

    We at the Landover Baptist Church Center for Creation Studies have irrefutable proof of the divine origins of the Bible!
    Last week, we held on all-night prayer session in which we spoke in tongues and ask the Pentecost to give us a sign of the origin of the Lord’s divine Word.

    At exactly 9:45 am the very next day a Bible (KJV 1611) was found on the hall table where the very night before the table was EMPTY. Take that secular commie scientist and see for yourself the gift of “proof” He has shown us!
    Praise Him and believe in His miracles !!!
    Rev Floyd Biggins

  5. Real Christian Patriot says:

    EVILution is out of control and behaving badly once again! I appeal to the hearts of every good and honest Christian citIzen. Call your cable company and have your subscription to the Science Channel and the Discovery Channel CANCELLED! Rid your home of ungodly Nation Geographics and Nature magazines! Place parental controls on your internet browser to prevent your children from looking up anything with the name “science” on it! t is time to return to simpler times, of planting and harvesting, sowing and reaping. McGuffey Readers and Farmer’s Almanacs. We don’t need no Science! Except for hybrid seeds and pesticides…but other than that, defund all scientific research! Put those overeducated bums out on the streets! If they want to claim we came from monkeys and that our Bibles came from apes, let’s give them a cup and put them on a leash and make ‘em collect change while the monkeys become the organ grinders! And while we’re at it, let’s defund NASA, too! We don’t need to go beyond the limits of the air God clearly meant for us to breathe, or the knowledge that he has revealed to us in his most precious Word. Stay tuned to your computer screens–a New America is dawning. We’re taking back this nation for Jesus!

    • Scott Otto says:

      Do us all a favor and take your Christian supremacy and bigotry and move to Texas. Put up a nice big wall so the rest of the world doesn’t have to listen to your lunacy.

  6. Stephenson Billings says:

    No surprise a group of “Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists” would try to argue against Christ’s supremacy. There is ample evidence that the Bible is not only the Word of God, but historically accurate in every detail. I don’t think you can say that about the Koran or the Torah.

    • Scott Otto says:

      At least the “Hindus and Buddhists” which by the way are much older and existed long before christianity was even a thought, don’t try to force their beliefs on you and call you wrong and tell you that you are going to burn in some made up hell for disagreeing with them. Again, the bible a book of fairy tales meant to scare ignorant people into doing what they are told by those who want to control humanity. Oh by the way, the old testament is Jewish and was stolen by the christians. Maybe you should actually look stuff up before you post.

  7. spawn of Howdy Doody says:

    Have any of you fools read about the “Serpent Seed”? You can’t learn this in school, children. It makes more sense than this jesus character. The tribes that didn’t show up at the Council of Nicea were the people that were exterminated by the Crusades.

  8. Confused spectator says:

    So this website is just a big’ol parody of real news?

  9. kenneth says:

    watch out these report is based only on one account. how long was it to Noah’s generation and the event of flood. the bible this very clear. track back from Adam down to Enoch to Noah How long was that Space of time? analyze from Noah’s’ generation up to date How long has it been? this prove that the report is crocked.and confusing, it has no creditability in christian Believe. to hell with Creationist and Evolutionist. God Is true

  10. God says:

    Know this first of all, that there is no prophecy of scripture that is a matter of personal interpretation, for no prophecy ever came through human will; but rather human beings moved by the holy Spirit spoke under the influence of God. 2 Peter 20-21

    I have spoken

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