10252014Headline:

Chinese Ship Confused About Underwater Pulse During Malaysian Airliner Search

Hiaxon 01<National Report>Reports Sunday reveal that the crew of the Chinese search ship Haixun 01 apparently became the victim of a communication snafu during their search for the remains of the missing Malaysian Airlines Flt MH370. On midday Friday, the Haixun 01 reported an indication of a pulse in the waters of the southern Indian Ocean in the general area of a reported debris field.

A Royal Navy recovery vessel and an Australian frigate arrived on the scene Saturday monring and commenced trolling the ocean floor in the hope of snagging the source of the pulse.  After lowering a deep sea submersible, it was determined that the crew of the Haixun 01 had in fact lowered a tethered camera and discovered a sunken Nissan Pulsar automobile that had likely been lost in rough seas from a transport cargo ship many years prior. The sunken Nissan was located at a depth of 3.75 miles; the pulse frequency from an aircraft black box flight recorder transmits at 37.5 kilohertz. Evidently, the words pulse and kilohertz as well as the positioning of the decimal point were lost on the crew of the Chinese ship.

The disappointment was further compounded on Sunday when the Haixun 01 reported still another pulse, again causing the recovery ships to once more return to the immediate area. After trolling the waters for several more hours, the crew of the Haixun 01 joyously reported the recovery of a crew members missing Pulsar wrist watch. The watch had been missing for 37 and half days and had become a point of contention aboard the ship as to who may have taken it.


Rear Admiral Mark Campbell of the Australian Navy voiced his concerns about the communication problems with the Chinese and created an international furor when he suggested that “The Chinese are no better with their military communique’s then they are with the labeling of their retail products that appear on the shelves of Dollar Stores around the world.”   The Admiral then held up a small package of baby bottle nipples clearly marked as “Rubber Fun Titties.”

The Chinese have vowed to continue with the multinational search effort despite the Australian Admiral’s misgivings and went on to state that the captain of the Haixun 01, Jiang Long, would remain committed to the effort even though reports have now surfaced that Captain Long is suffering from an erratic pulse and an alarmingly slow heart rate at 37.5 beats per minute.

 


 

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6 Responses to "Chinese Ship Confused About Underwater Pulse During Malaysian Airliner Search"

  1. Roy Rogers says:

    Knowing how those Chinks operate, I’m surprised they haven’t managed to sink any of their own ships out there in the deep water. They should probably get North Korea to help. They’re good at causing mayhem.

  2. larryfine says:

    You ever see one of those Chinese drive a car? Just stay out of their way.

  3. Sooki Yaki says:

    The “Ching Chong Ding Dong” political action committee is going be all over you people and your racist comments. Just keep it up.

  4. Clark Kent says:

    I can’t stand those dam Chinese. They get everything ass backwards. I ordered a 12″ penis extender from a supplier in Hong Kong and they sent me a plastic ruler and a roll of flesh colored duct tape to hold it on. The Mrs didn’t like it much. Those Chinese could be sitting on top of that airplane and they wouldn’t know it.

  5. Internut says:

    Actually, there is evidence they are all confused. What they have all discovered is that the pinger crab, thought to be extinct for over 20,000 years, still exists and is in the middle of it’s mating season.

  6. The Pensioner says:

    No wonder Ling got my delivery order wrong!?!

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