08272014Headline:

Can Tumblr Love Yahoo, Like a Dirty Child Bride Sold into Marriage?

dirtybride2(National Report) – Yahoo Incorporated is buying Tumblr for $1.1 Billion (USD). While many see this as some sort of arranged marriage and plan a revival of “Runaway Bride”, others are furiously posting pornography in anticipation of the wedding scheduled sometime in November.

Tumblr is the young, hip, trendy peninsula of the internet. Like Florida, it is shaped like a engorged penis.

Yahoo is the bastion of America’s patriots, the fearless best generation whose amber waves of grain fueled beverages allows for unlimited commenting on the depravity of Obama’s America and plot the return of the Republic to the calloused hands that with ax and elbow grease built this country into the Greatest Nation Ever Created by God, Amen.

$1.1B is a premium price for Tumblr, but because Yahoo is general a bunch of old people. So, Seniors view using a smartphone as a magical gift worth the additional  acquisition cost?

$1.1B is a premium price for Tumblr, but because Yahoo is a bunch of old people, using a smartphone is viewed as a magical gift worth the additional cost.

Yahoo’s Board of Directors has agreed to purchase the dirty child bride, Tumblr. The plan is to mold her into a proper young thing that does not share ugly thoughts with every stranger or open her creamy thighs to every hashtags out there. For anyone exposed to the lurkings of these rough-handed communities of Tumblr, the potty mouthed conversations or a glimpse of defiled noble images or giffing and sexual infringement is traumatic.

Tumblr delivers the greatest amount of debauchery on the internet with little advertising, making her a filthy slut not a whore.

Yahoo will undoubtedly clean up the little slut-tramp, scrub off the filth of ghetto humor, homosexual fan pages to Benedict Cumberbach and teen angst. Yahoo plans to have Tumblr walking the streets for money with more advertising.

Of course this is all just a financial arrangement. Like the Facebook IPO it is also a media arrangement. No one with any brains really believed all the hype about how the stock price would rise before the issue, right? The same might be the case here.

There are those that plan to leave Tumblr, seeking frontiers in other lands far from the Geriatric Menace that is Yahoo.

There are those that plan to leave Tumblr, seeking frontiers in other lands far from the Geriatric Menace that is Yahoo.

Users of Tumblr are not happy about the announcement, will they abandon the site or will they just go along with the media message that all is well?

The same media that was touting the FB IPO as a great deal (it wasn’t) is saying Tumblr users will leave. Tumblr users fear losing their pornography, thinsperation and other opiates of urban decay. Of course the poorns will lash out if their source is threatened, so more media cat-herding has been expressed to make sure users don’t leave. That is probably all lies and the dirty little children of Tumblr instinctively know this.

$1.1 Billion dollars seems a steep price for a company with little (only $13M in 2012) advertising revenue. What also does not make sense is the onslaught of article-based advertising that this is a “good” deal for users. Remember that children don’t like washing their face and brushing their teeth before they go to bed, but it is good for them. Children also can tell when adults are lying to them.

Return on investment means there will be changes to Tumblr. It also means opportunity is born, an opportunity to grow up.
 

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3 Responses to "Can Tumblr Love Yahoo, Like a Dirty Child Bride Sold into Marriage?"

  1. Barbara Bagwell Barbara Bagwell says:

    I think that acquisitions that seek to purchase customers rather than the business as a whole are doomed to failure. The purchasing company might benefit from an initial bump, but because they were not instrumental in the growth don’t understand why they need to purchase customers in the first place. (Hint, it is because no one likes dealing with them.)

    You can’t buy customers, you have to earn them.

  2. lillian fabricant lillian fabricant says:

    My hip still hurts from that forward roll i did to impress those delinquent teenagers that were on my lawn, because I landed on an apple, and then got all tangled in the garden hose, because I wouldn’t let go of the receiver pulling on the phone cord, and then the dry rot gave way and the damn wall phone clocked me right in the noggin at eleventy-seventy miles per hour! I went on the most real-seeming, frightening yet magical adventure where I made wonderful friends who helped me on a quest involving a magic sack of gifts, and learned all about stock investment, lousy teenagers and getting quarters out of pay phones. Embarrassingly, I Pee-O’d all over myself. But it turns out those teenagers were quite helpful and considerate, if pimply, and you would not believe where one of them found my lower denture, clear across the street in my neighbors big prickly ginger bush, covered in ants. Wait a minute now, what happened to my pocketbook? EWWW, ANTS ANTS ANTS

  3. Nigel Covington Nigel Covington says:

    Tumblr is outraged of the news that it can be bought & sold like some used little girl’s bicycle seat. Tumblr administrators stood firmly against the purchase citing that Yahoo will never be their master, nor will Tumblr put out for Yahoo citing it will not be used like some cheap common street tart who can be bought. What a mess.