(National Report) – Yahoo Incorporated is buying Tumblr for $1.1 Billion (USD). While many see this as some sort of arranged marriage and plan a revival of “Runaway Bride”, others are furiously posting pornography in anticipation of the wedding scheduled sometime in November.
Tumblr is the young, hip, trendy peninsula of the internet. Like Florida, it is shaped like a engorged penis.
Yahoo is the bastion of America’s patriots, the fearless best generation whose amber waves of grain fueled beverages allows for unlimited commenting on the depravity of Obama’s America and plot the return of the Republic to the calloused hands that with ax and elbow grease built this country into the Greatest Nation Ever Created by God, Amen.Yahoo’s Board of Directors has agreed to purchase the dirty child bride, Tumblr. The plan is to mold her into a proper young thing that does not share ugly thoughts with every stranger or open her creamy thighs to every hashtags out there. For anyone exposed to the lurkings of these rough-handed communities of Tumblr, the potty mouthed conversations or a glimpse of defiled noble images or giffing and sexual infringement is traumatic.
Tumblr delivers the greatest amount of debauchery on the internet with little advertising, making her a filthy slut not a whore.
Yahoo will undoubtedly clean up the little slut-tramp, scrub off the filth of ghetto humor, homosexual fan pages to Benedict Cumberbach and teen angst. Yahoo plans to have Tumblr walking the streets for money with more advertising.
Of course this is all just a financial arrangement. Like the Facebook IPO it is also a media arrangement. No one with any brains really believed all the hype about how the stock price would rise before the issue, right? The same might be the case here.Users of Tumblr are not happy about the announcement, will they abandon the site or will they just go along with the media message that all is well?
The same media that was touting the FB IPO as a great deal (it wasn’t) is saying Tumblr users will leave. Tumblr users fear losing their pornography, thinsperation and other opiates of urban decay. Of course the poorns will lash out if their source is threatened, so more media cat-herding has been expressed to make sure users don’t leave. That is probably all lies and the dirty little children of Tumblr instinctively know this.
$1.1 Billion dollars seems a steep price for a company with little (only $13M in 2012) advertising revenue. What also does not make sense is the onslaught of article-based advertising that this is a “good” deal for users. Remember that children don’t like washing their face and brushing their teeth before they go to bed, but it is good for them. Children also can tell when adults are lying to them.
Return on investment means there will be changes to Tumblr. It also means opportunity is born, an opportunity to grow up.