California Allows First-Ever State Recognized Human-Animal Marriage

man marries dog

Paul Horner and his dog Mac at their wedding on Monday in front of friends, family and a priest being wed.

San Francisco, CA — On Monday history was made at the Chapel of Our Lady at the Presidio in San Francisco as the first-ever state recognized human-animal marriage took place.

Local resident 35-year-old Paul Horner was the groom during the ceremony. Joining him was his faithful dog Mac who is 36-years-old in dog years. Mac also decided to be the groom but ended up wearing a white veil at the last moment.

Father McHale who officiated the outdoor wedding told reporters he was extremely happy to be a part of this joyous moment of life. “This is the definition of true love my friends. There is nothing more sacred than the bond between a man and his faithful dog,” McHale said. “Now, since it is recognized as a legally binding marriage in the state of California, Mr. Horner and Mac will have all the same tax benefits and everything else coming to them that a regular married couple would receive. It’s a fantastic day to be alive!”

So how could this have happened?

In the book of California’s State Laws and Regulations there is a little known law that was passed as the state was first forming in 1850. According to article 155, paragraph 10, it clearly states:

If a man and a man can get married and a woman and a woman can get married, if ever comes that day, then a human and animal will have the exact same rights to marriage in every eye of the law. God help us if this ever is to happen!

In attendance was Horner’s entire family who flew in from Hawaii to witness the event. Mac had her puppies on hand and making a special celebrity appearance was Alex from Stroh’s and Spuds Mckenzie.

“I just love my Mac so much, I can’t wait till we can finally get back to the honeymoon sweet in Montana where bestiality is legal. Gosh, get with the times California! We can marry here just fine, but love making is a big no-no,” said Horner. “People keep asking me why I wanted to marry a dog. I told them I just want the same god given rights that every person in California is allowed to have. Don’t tell me I can’t marry my dog. I don’t tell you that you can’t marry a 500 lb woman with herpes. That’s your decision. Don’t tread on me. I love my dog and I know he loves me a hundred times more than any gay marriage out there.”

With this wedding between a man and a male dog now on the books, one can only ask what is in store next?

A man marrying a toaster? A toaster marrying a dog? A toaster marrying a toaster?

America, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Tsk. Tsk.

What Next?

Related Articles

390 Responses to "California Allows First-Ever State Recognized Human-Animal Marriage"

  1. Thorny says:

    May the FSM help us :(

  2. SeaPin says:

    Oh get with the times you conservative Americans! Marriage & consumation with animals has been practised & sanctioned by the Papua New Guinea Council of Churches here in Papua New Guinea for over 150 years, as well as dead ancestor marriage for many hundreds of years more!! Haven’t you ever heard the expression, “A mans best friend is his dog”???? If he truly loves his canine friend what business is it of yours?
    I have been married to the mummified corpse of my great grandmother for nearly 13 years and we live a beautiful & wonderful life, as well as a fulfilling sex life.

    Grow up America!

    • Madrigal says:

      There is something seriously wrong with your crazy ass. Who the FUCK has sex with their great grandmother, and she’s not even living! She’s fucking dead and mummified. This is rape and incest. If she was alive she’d probably…. I have no idea. Please please please do every human on earth a favor and get some help. Your obviously very sick and should not be allowed to walk around in society acting normal. Your a freaking weirdo. Crazy ass motherfucking bitch.

    • William says:

      That asteroid with this planet’s name on it? Maybe it should come sooner than later. The fleshy virus that infects this planet needs to be excised. Maybe the next time around something more worthy will inhabit this world.

  3. Adam says:

    This is an illustration of Mental sickness. The head of the church performing such union also must have lost his wits. This is a shining example of a total collapse of human values. People are blown apart due to the wave of craziness blowing from the grounds of Bollywood.

    The priest should not be allowed to wear a rob with the CROSS printed on it. The Bible does not speak of such matrimonial. Honestly, this is an isolated case and should NOT be given any credence.

  4. Shannon says:

    I’m sorry this must of went over so many peoples heads! This is a sick indivual trying to some how compare Same sex marriage to bestiality!! And this world just keeps getting better how the hell does this have anything to do with Gay people getting married!! Im sorry i cant believe i give shit enough to even write back on this !!

    • Lowell says:

      Sorry, Shannon, but we prophets predicted that this would happen way back when homosexual marriage was first demanded. The homosexual community cried “no, no, that will never happen. the very idea that it would ever happen is absurd!” So here we are. Well actually we didn’t have to be prophets to see this one coming.

      • Byron says:

        Oh, Lowell. The funny part about your comment is the fact that the legality of the marriage between a person and pet ONLY came about because of the judgmental ignorance of a Conservative, who felt the need to add this to California’s book of state laws and regulations:

        “If a man and a man can get married and a woman and a woman can get married, if ever comes that day, then a human and animal will have the exact same rights to marriage in every eye of the law. God help us if this ever is to happen!”

        In his ignorance, he is the one that set the precedent. Whoops…

        • Lowell says:

          Oh, the really funny part about it is that argument does not hold water, because our prediction has nothing to do with California state law which we did not know existed. It will be true also in states which do not have such a law. Once marriage is redefined, it can be defined to mean whatever any person or group decides to make it. I just expected the next step to be group marriage, followed by inter-species marriage. Guess I was wrong.

        • Roger says:

          California needs to be classed as a foreign country and a concrete fence 400 feet high constructed on all sides. If they need anything, drop it in from the air.

          This country has been turning more and more amoral because of the sickness that has been transmitted from California. I keep hoping the San Andreas Fault will do the job…

          Nothing good comes from California…

      • Jaelyn says:

        he did it in an attempt to prove that same sex marriage will cause many cases of beastiality, but if someone actually marries an animal, it’s because they’re trying to make the same point, not because they actually are in love with that animal while on the other hand same-sex couples can be, and most are, in love.

    • Dan says:

      Shannon when one rides the slippery slope, there is only one direction one can go. Marriage, necessarily, can only be between one man and one woman. If the US government wants to stand behind what’s best for the people and for this society, then protecting this only teaching of marriage is absolutely necessary. Marriage is so much more than “we love each other” – it’s more than the peak expression of emotional bonds. Marriage is a commitment between two people (a man and a woman) and that love and commitment lead to the procreation of children. This is how a society prospers and grows, and without the procreation of children (or at least the intention of it or the biological ability TO procreate), the union is a farce, a lie and built on selfish intentions. Granted some men or some women are unable to procreate due to physiological problems, but the INTENT still exists, and the symbol they express further edifies and exemplifies what marriage truly is.

      You know this all started in the 60’s when sex became a recreational activity instead of a sacred blessing. Men and women got bored so they had to turn from natural relationships to unnatural ones. True homosexuality has been around since the beginning of the fall of man, but once again we’re at a tipping point where because of our laxed and immoral thoughts and actions, consequences are just around the corner. Mark my words: you will not see death before this nation is held accountable for her transgressions.

      • Rodney Frenda says:

        That’s the best (truest) thing I’ve seen written on this site. Very well said.

        • Roger says:

          Sure brings into view what “equal protection under the law” means. It kinda fits in with “separation of Church and state” (BTW: not in the constitution). It is just another sign of the amoral turn of this country – “as in the days of Noah” or “calling good evil and evil good”.

          The day that the ACLU talked SCOTUS in removing the Bible out of schools, America died; we now have killings in schools instead of prayer.

      • Jaelyn says:

        if it’s unnatural why is homosexuality seen in animals?

  5. Thomas says:

    Slate Author Calls for Polygamy as Necessary Next Step After Gay Marriage
    http://www.nomblog.com/34456/ )

    Australian judge says incest may no longer be a taboo

    Should Incest Be Legal?

    British woman marries her dog, confesses: ‘I’m totally her b—h’

    Karl Lagerfeld says he wants to get married… to his cat

    Australian Guy Marries His Dog

    Woman weds dolphin

    Human–animal marriage

    The homosexual movement’s push for adult-child sex

    Can We Please Just Start Admitting That We Do Actually Want To Indoctrinate Kids?

  6. LaRona says:

    Amen adam!

  7. jamy says:

    Shame on you! You are mocking God the one who said that man shall marry a woman.
    May the mercy of God be upon you. U need to be delivered.

  8. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    That’s what my pregnant mother has been screaming for YEARS

  9. Mary says:

    What a bunch of NONSENSE!!! What is this idiot gonna do, have sex with his dumb dog?? They ALL need to get a life. Stupid crazy dumb nonsense!!! People put so much effort into a stupid animal MORE than human beings. DUMB, DUMB AND DUMBER SMH

  10. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    There’s nothing funny about getting dropped off at work by your screaming pregnant mother for year after year as your youth slowly slips away. Just deliver me already for chrissakes. But I’ll admit it’s pretty funny when we slip on a banana peel, her holding a big bag of groceries and me with my little one. Sometimes I shoot clear across the parking lot, then that umbilical cord recoils like someone won’t take their foot off the vacuum cleaner pedal and before I know it I’m crammed back in the uterus and Mother is screaming and screaming and screaming again. Meh.

  11. thony says:

    Just wondering Father McHale? Which church is he under????

  12. Judy says:

    No Mary, animals are not stupid, They are exactly as they are suppose to be. Its Humans that are stupid, and disrespectful to nature and our creator.

  13. Ambrose says:

    Sure, sure

Leave a Reply

Submit Comment