07262014Headline:

California Allows First-Ever State Recognized Human-Animal Marriage

man marries dog

Paul Horner and his dog Mac at their wedding on Monday in front of friends, family and a priest being wed.

San Francisco, CA — On Monday history was made at the Chapel of Our Lady at the Presidio in San Francisco as the first-ever state recognized human-animal marriage took place.

Local resident 35-year-old Paul Horner was the groom during the ceremony. Joining him was his faithful dog Mac who is 36-years-old in dog years. Mac also decided to be the groom but ended up wearing a white veil at the last moment.

Father McHale who officiated the outdoor wedding told reporters he was extremely happy to be a part of this joyous moment of life. “This is the definition of true love my friends. There is nothing more sacred than the bond between a man and his faithful dog,” McHale said. “Now, since it is recognized as a legally binding marriage in the state of California, Mr. Horner and Mac will have all the same tax benefits and everything else coming to them that a regular married couple would receive. It’s a fantastic day to be alive!”


So how could this have happened?

In the book of California’s State Laws and Regulations there is a little known law that was passed as the state was first forming in 1850. According to article 155, paragraph 10, it clearly states:

If a man and a man can get married and a woman and a woman can get married, if ever comes that day, then a human and animal will have the exact same rights to marriage in every eye of the law. God help us if this ever is to happen!

In attendance was Horner’s entire family who flew in from Hawaii to witness the event. Mac had her puppies on hand and making a special celebrity appearance was Alex from Stroh’s and Spuds Mckenzie.

“I just love my Mac so much, I can’t wait till we can finally get back to the honeymoon sweet in Montana where bestiality is legal. Gosh, get with the times California! We can marry here just fine, but love making is a big no-no,” said Horner. “People keep asking me why I wanted to marry a dog. I told them I just want the same god given rights that every person in California is allowed to have. Don’t tell me I can’t marry my dog. I don’t tell you that you can’t marry a 500 lb woman with herpes. That’s your decision. Don’t tread on me. I love my dog and I know he loves me a hundred times more than any gay marriage out there.”

With this wedding between a man and a male dog now on the books, one can only ask what is in store next?

A man marrying a toaster? A toaster marrying a dog? A toaster marrying a toaster?

America, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Tsk. Tsk.



What Next?

Related Articles

380 Responses to "California Allows First-Ever State Recognized Human-Animal Marriage"

  1. Thorny says:

    May the FSM help us :(

  2. SeaPin says:

    Oh get with the times you conservative Americans! Marriage & consumation with animals has been practised & sanctioned by the Papua New Guinea Council of Churches here in Papua New Guinea for over 150 years, as well as dead ancestor marriage for many hundreds of years more!! Haven’t you ever heard the expression, “A mans best friend is his dog”???? If he truly loves his canine friend what business is it of yours?
    I have been married to the mummified corpse of my great grandmother for nearly 13 years and we live a beautiful & wonderful life, as well as a fulfilling sex life.

    Grow up America!

    • Madrigal says:

      There is something seriously wrong with your crazy ass. Who the FUCK has sex with their great grandmother, and she’s not even living! She’s fucking dead and mummified. This is rape and incest. If she was alive she’d probably…. I have no idea. Please please please do every human on earth a favor and get some help. Your obviously very sick and should not be allowed to walk around in society acting normal. Your a freaking weirdo. Crazy ass motherfucking bitch.

  3. Adam says:

    This is an illustration of Mental sickness. The head of the church performing such union also must have lost his wits. This is a shining example of a total collapse of human values. People are blown apart due to the wave of craziness blowing from the grounds of Bollywood.

    The priest should not be allowed to wear a rob with the CROSS printed on it. The Bible does not speak of such matrimonial. Honestly, this is an isolated case and should NOT be given any credence.

  4. Shannon says:

    I’m sorry this must of went over so many peoples heads! This is a sick indivual trying to some how compare Same sex marriage to bestiality!! And this world just keeps getting better how the hell does this have anything to do with Gay people getting married!! Im sorry i cant believe i give shit enough to even write back on this !!

    • Lowell says:

      Sorry, Shannon, but we prophets predicted that this would happen way back when homosexual marriage was first demanded. The homosexual community cried “no, no, that will never happen. the very idea that it would ever happen is absurd!” So here we are. Well actually we didn’t have to be prophets to see this one coming.

  5. LaRona says:

    Amen adam!

  6. jamy says:

    Shame on you! You are mocking God the one who said that man shall marry a woman.
    May the mercy of God be upon you. U need to be delivered.

  7. Lillian Fabricant says:

    That’s what my pregnant mother has been screaming for YEARS

  8. Mary says:

    What a bunch of NONSENSE!!! What is this idiot gonna do, have sex with his dumb dog?? They ALL need to get a life. Stupid crazy dumb nonsense!!! People put so much effort into a stupid animal MORE than human beings. DUMB, DUMB AND DUMBER SMH

  9. Lillian Fabricant says:

    There’s nothing funny about getting dropped off at work by your screaming pregnant mother for year after year as your youth slowly slips away. Just deliver me already for chrissakes. But I’ll admit it’s pretty funny when we slip on a banana peel, her holding a big bag of groceries and me with my little one. Sometimes I shoot clear across the parking lot, then that umbilical cord recoils like someone won’t take their foot off the vacuum cleaner pedal and before I know it I’m crammed back in the uterus and Mother is screaming and screaming and screaming again. Meh.

  10. thony says:

    Just wondering Father McHale? Which church is he under????

  11. Judy says:

    No Mary, animals are not stupid, They are exactly as they are suppose to be. Its Humans that are stupid, and disrespectful to nature and our creator.

  12. Ambrose says:

    Sure, sure

Leave a Reply

Submit Comment