Business Booming For San Fran’s “Gay-Only” Sperm Bank

RAINBOW-STORK-CRYOBANK-SAN-FRANCISCOSan Francisco has long been known as a haven for members of the LGBTQ community. The California city has an extensive and rich history of tolerance for homosexuals and their ilk. Unsurprisingly, one man intends to capitalize on this notion by opening the world’s very first “All Gay Sperm Bank”.

For those ladies who have lusted after their gay friends and hoped for a child imbued with their sense of style and taste, but have been unable to “bag the fag”, so-to-speak, now there’s a safe, effective and convenient alternative.

The Rainbow Stork Cryobank is the brain child of Gary F. Jankins, a San Fransisco native and openly gay individual. Mr Jankins is well known for his philanthropy and keen investments, fronting several lucrative business ventures; the sperm bank being the newest addition in a long list of successful projects.

During an interview he told National Report that his inspiration for the bank arose after several of his female friends has solicited him for sperm themselves.

“My gal-pals would always ask if they could use my juice for their own insemination procedures. Being a highly successful businessman as well as an academic scholar, they pined for my distinguished and flamboyant seed. It’s only natural that opening a bank which warehoused the sperm of highly well-heeled gay donors. Men much like myself.”

“The girls I knew would always say things like “I wish I could have a gay child just like you, Gary. You’re a real inspiration.” Now we are able to make their dreams a reality!”

The Rainbow Stork Cryobank has been open for several months now and we’re told business is booming. Jankin’s and his team of technicians are always on the lookout for exceptional gay donors to add to their catalog.

The screening process involves proof of financial bracket, IQ tests, a psychological report, physical fitness statistics and of course, extensive AIDS and HIV screenings. They assure only the most extraordinary sperm will be available for the mothers-to-be.

While there are no guarantees that their child will be born gay, studies have shown that homosexuals are 75% more likely to produce similarly oriented offspring. Children can then be coaxed to adopt the gay lifestyle with several proven methods, giving the woman a 90% chance she will have a gay child.


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10 Responses to "Business Booming For San Fran’s “Gay-Only” Sperm Bank"

  1. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    Male children are far more easily gayed than little girls can be shaken out of their heterosexuality, though many fake parents will confuse the child’s normal sense of post-shaking relief with the desired psychological breakthrough involving gender identity that is fag or dyke appropriate, so don’t count your chickens TOO early. Girls are notoriously challenging when it comes to subverting their inborn feminine need for pink, purple and glitter into a desire for the smell of a flanneled wrench. You can shake them like a snowglobe but they still want to be pretty. Pretty disappointing to Mommy Barb AND Mommy Dirka, if you ask me. Boys are easier, all you have to do is glue wheels onto any doll or woven basket holding all the ingredients for a fabric project, and they’ll be racing to play with it for hours. VroooOOOOm vrrrRROOOOOoooom, look at those tiny stitches go! They’ll be inventing new kinds of scones before you know it!

  2. miller says:

    Lil, it is well known that from birth 99% of the Y chromosome devote their lives to the pusuit of slutdom. However, do not be misled by Jankin’s real intentions by starting this sperm bank. It is being co-funded by Monsanto, ConAgra, and the Burpee Seed Company. I believe I read the Koch brothers and GOProud are also involved. Their true intention is to genetically modify these ‘fast movers’ in an attempt to create a strain of the Super Q Spermatazoa. We are not seeing this being done in clinics that harvest eggs for in-vitro fertilization.
    Master race people! Be very afraid.

    • Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

      Everything these days seems to be about test tube porn. I for one don’t want to do it with a piece of glass, esp. a piece of gay glass, but then it isn’t about my sexuality, but that of millienials addicted to internet slip-n-slide shows. At least sperms are skinny and in shape. You know what’s really gross and can ruin a friday evening? Those big fat lonely eggs on a microscope slide. You know they are thinking about adopting more cats, when they should be admitting that while sperm is not an ice cream flavor, intra-cellular rape is. Totally not sexy.

      • miller says:

        I agree with most of what you said. But I don’t place blame on the Millenials. I would like to think that despite the destruction of the nation, declining moral values, and all that we once cherished, is because of this current administration. The majority of these youngsters still appreciate the joy of the horizontal bop. And reading a book with real pages that you can dog-ear.
        No Lillian, your disappointment is misplaced. If you want to know the REAL cause for our moral decay and perversions like this gay sperm bank you need look no further than the tragedy of Bundy Ridge. Ultimately however the downfall of America and sex as we once knew it can be summed up in one word–BENGHAZI!

        • Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

          We are lucky to only have a 7 day week, IMO, because hippie liberals wanting more days off suppressed many verses of the bible as well as putting lady hair on the crew-cutted Son of God for their own perverse reasons. Familiar with: “On the eighth day, God awoke fresh from resting, and Lo, He created the Benghazi, and it was good.”? I didn’t think so. Since it was good, why the coverup? What is Hillary trying to HIDE???!!!

          • miller says:

            I have it on good authority that Hillary did in fact pay Monica Lewinsky to perform an ongodly act with Bill. She then ‘blew the whistle’ on the whole sordid affair. This was done to exhibit her strength as a loyal wife as the scandal unfolded. I understand that Bill went to his knees begging for her forgiveness. His face was wet with tears and other “oogie.” This vaulted her to the national stage. She was seen as decisive and strong yet with the compassion to be forgiving in a situation that would have been a death blow to many marriages. The rest is history as they say. She went on to create a famous hairstyle and become Secretary of State. But none of this came out until Mr. Issa courageously called for an investigation into the Benghazi Affair and that, Ms. Fabricant, is what Hillary is trying to hide.

  3. The Pensioner says:

    Well toss my cookies, how do we know some of those bank customers are going to use the tubes properly. What if ‘they’ mistake the tube as some sort of protein shake?

  4. Anonymous says:

    A lot of times in the legal system, courts will rule that the man has to pay child support despite being a sperm donor. There’s no sense of a “male abortion” in the USA. Women can give up a child for adoption or have an abortion but men have no rights and instead have to pay money or wind up in debtor’s prison.

  5. Richard Tate says:

    OMG,it is the end of days!
    The last generation of wealthy,Christian,pure white heterosexuals.
    We must implore chief justice John Roberts to sidestep the liberal legislative branch of the LGBTS government to outlaw backroom turkey baster fertilization practices.

  6. Chateau' du Poof says:

    I need to make a rather large donation!

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