(National Report) – The Boy Scouts of America are beta testing a new Breasts merit badge for scouts. The badge, to be rolled out in 2014, is expected to be popular. Boob Badges will be an Eagle scout requirement starting January 1, 2015.
While many scouts have expressed giddy excitement about the new badge, scouting isn’t just about gawking at breasts.
Scouting develops serious life skills by coaching young men to delve deeply into a subject’s foundations as well as teaching scouts to self-educate and master common subjects for later success as a straight male. Also, gays don’t like boobies.
The Boob Badge is seen by many as a response to calls from the media to abandon the organization’s exclusion of LBGT scouts and scoutmasters. Of course that isn’t the case, since most scouts have a lifelong interest in breasts and boobs. It isn’t discrimination if homosexuals don’t like boobies.
Boob Merit Badge Requirements
To earn a Boob Badge, candidates must complete the following tasks and at least one element from the two categories below.
- Explain and demonstrate the meaning of “motorboating”.
- Name three characteristic that distinguish real boobies from fake boobies.
- Explain how the breast kingdom is classified. Explain where boobs fit in each classification by breast size and nipple type (puffy, pert and soulless stare). Classify three boobies found in the wild.
Do ONE of the following:
a. Spend three hours in each of two different kinds of natural habitats (breastaurants, topless beaches, day spas, undergarment fitting rooms) or at different elevations studying boobs. List the different boobs species you identified by sight or sign. Tell why all boobs do not live in the same kind of habitat.
b. Spend three hours on each of five days on at least a 25-acre area (about the size of 3 1/2 football fields). Use this field study to survey the sweater boobs, t-shirt boobs, shy boobs and others with special attention to braless boobies. Record your observations and construct a histogram with appropriate analysis.
c. From study and reading, write a simple pamphlet on how to determine cup size by both sight and hand.
Do ONE of the following:
a. Under the guidance of a boobie master or parent, make two plaster casts of boobies.
b. Take good pictures of two kinds of boobies in the wild. Record light conditions, film used, exposure, and other factors, including notes on the activities (volleyball, trampoline).
c. Explain why boobies are important to straight men and babies.
d. Write a report of 500 words on a magazine dedicated to Boobies.The study of any subject results in a deeper meaning and purpose for life.
Studying homosexuality is dangerous, since distinctions between pederasts and adult same sex relationships are confusing. While some will blame this on the media’s preoccupation with heterosexual female teachers having sex with underage students, banning homosexuals from leadership or scouting is the only solution the organization can “reasonably” implement in an effort to keep kids safe.