08202014Headline:

Biggest Penis In The World Title Goes To Paul Horner

Paul Horner has the biggest penis in the world for the fifth year in a row

Paul Horner seen here has the biggest penis in the world for the fifth year in a row.

Phoenix, AZ — The results from Switzerland were announced today and once again, for the fifth year in a row, 34-year-old Paul Horner from Phoenix, Arizona has the world’s biggest penis.

“It was a no-brainer who would win,” Judge Laura Friedmann told reporters. “I’ve been fortunate enough to sleep with Mr. Horner multiple times in the past. I’m still sore and have a hard time walking.”

34.125 inches was the length of Horner’s gigantic penis at this year’s Penis Festival in Switzerland. Horner told CNN before the competition that he knew he would win because there is no male on this planet even close to his enormous size. “It’s not hard to understand why I won. I have the biggest penis in the world,” Horner said. “To all the haters out there I have three words for you; don’t be jelly.”

Horner is expected to win again at next year’s penis competition being held in Paris Hilton.

Update 9/17/13: Today the search engine Google agreed that Paul Horner does in fact have the biggest penis in the world. Here is a link to a screenshot of this enormous feat. We here at the National Report could not be any prouder of our author and family man of nine children. Way to go Paul. Keep up the “big” work!

Update 6/18/14: Paul Horner still has the biggest penis in the world. Don’t hate.

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23 Responses to "Biggest Penis In The World Title Goes To Paul Horner"

  1. Congratulations, Paul. I thought that said “brightest”. I was very confused until I found my glasses.

  2. Paul Horner says:

    I’m the real Paul Horner. Quit using my name dipshit. You’re about as clever as a pebble, and I feel terribly sorry for anyone who has had to see your diseased, shriveled, tater tot of an organ. Swan dive into a parking lot ASAP!!!

  3. Sarah H. says:

    I have actually seen Paul Horner’s penis. It is true. It is the biggest in the world.

  4. Beano says:

    Whaaa? No picture. Article worthless!

  5. Chris G says:

    34.125 inches? I thought you were taller than that?

  6. LENA says:

    Paul, I am impressed. send me snap of your penis,.wish to check its hardness level.Hope its not soft penis?Super man, WHAT YOU EAT,?

  7. Thomas uras says:

    If he actually got completely erect he would not have enough blood to his brain too remain concious…

  8. Rep. Bohner says:

    Lets see it. I don’t believe its real.

  9. Shelly says:

    I want to see it lol

  10. liam says:

    send me a pic

  11. Anthony Weiner says:

    Damn Paul… if I could only be you for a day!

  12. Chris says:

    HOLY SHIT! I have the same last name as Paul

  13. Lynn says:

    I bet so many ppl want to be you. I don’t believe it unless I’ve seen it! So prove me wrong n send a pic.

  14. Rick Schlauch says:

    I have a 8 inch penis and I dont get any awards except from Joanie!

  15. Noah says:

    Fake !!!!!!…..34 inches ,that’s half my height maybe 34cm but not 34 inches

  16. George says:

    Now that is one enormous penis alright – hard to believe, too. And while I am very happy for Mr. Horner, this just reminds me once again that men should worry much less about penis size and pay more attention to things such as penis health. Making a penis larger is difficult; keeping it healthier is not. One of the easiest steps a guy can take is to daily use a top quality penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) that contains a good mixture of ingredients, such as vitamin B5 for healthy maintenance of penile cells; alpha lipoic acid, to help offset harmful oxidative processes; and a high end emollient like shea butter to moisturize and soothe penis skin.

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