02252017Headline:
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Father’s Day Nightmare: Caitlyn Jenner Snaps At Kim Kardashian, “Put The Lotion In The F-ing Basket!”

<Calabasas, CA.>It was a tense and awkward Father’s Day at the Kardashian compound this Sunday. As the brood gathered round their newly appointed matriarch and prepared to lavish “her” with expensive gifts, they found [...]

Dearest Kayne – Sit Your Punk-Ass Down

The following is an open letter from National Report’s very own Manfred Peregrine… In my long, illustrious career as a celebrity gossip columnist, I have witnessed a plethora of smug, entitled behavior from individuals so egotistical, [...]

Macklemore Fans Confused By Fatherhood Announcement – Public Convinced Rapper Was Gay

(Seattle, WA) – Ben Haggerty, better known by his stage name, Macklemore, released a youtube video yesterday announcing his impending fatherhood to the masses. The video, which currently boasts over a million views, shocked many fans [...]

Chelsea Handler Desperately Needs Your Attention

(West Hollywood, CA) – Since the cancellation of Chelsea Handler’s E! show, ‘Chelsea Lately’, the foul-mouthed comedienne can be found scalding retinas en masse on Instagram. The soulless hussy has recently taken to [...]

Tila Tequila

Diminutive Singaporean songstress Tila Tequila has apparently risen like some gloriously insane phoenix from the ashes of her floundering internet career. The 32 year old has adopted an all new shtick, one of a Hitler-worshiping, antisemitic, [...]

Americans Weigh In – Top Ten Fred Phelps Disposal Methods

Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr. has officially departed from this mortal coil; Plucked from his spite-infested body and abruptly whisked away into the great-beyond, appropriately on International Happiness Day. Now that the detestable patriarch of [...]
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ISIS: A New Form Of Rebellion Among US Youths? Ten Signs Your Child May Be Adopting Radical Islam

Gone are the days when teens idolized the abrasive din of heavy metal music and occult imagery. You may even consider yourself lucky if your loin-fruits decide to adopt all the annoying trappings of “rap-music” as a means of asserting [...]