02252017Headline:

Trump Receives Honorary Degree from Electoral College

Reality television star and shrewd businessman, Donald Trump, received yet another feather in his cap early Wednesday, November 9th. Trump, 70, was given an “honorary degree” from the higher learning institution, Electoral College. [...]

U.S. Considers Raising National Alert Level over Clown Threat

Due to the increase of ‘creepy clown threats’ across the United States over the past few weeks, the United States Government has allegedly begun meetings regarding dealing with this threat on a national level. While local authorities [...]

Stores Report “Run on Pressure Cookers” after NYC Bombing

Retailers across the United States are reporting a spike in sales of pressure cookers following alleged terrorist bombings in New York City and New Jersey over the weekend. While the New Jersey incident featured “pipe-bomb-style” [...]

Kim Jong-Un Named “Healthiest Leader” in North Korean History

In a move that shocked no one, the North Korean Central News Agency allegedly reported that Kim Jong-Un was recently named the “healthiest leader” in DPRK history. This reported claim by the DPRK comes on the heels of controversy [...]

Trump: Brexit Not Good Enough; UK Needs Wall

By now the world is aware that Brexit passed and the United Kingdom has voted to leave the European Union. The news has sent financial markets into chaos and caused the pound sterling to crash. Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, [...]

Cincinnati to Create “Leash Law” for Children under 12

After the unfortunate shooting death of Harambe the gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo, the internet and others with the actual ability to enact policy have begun thinking of how future crises involving children could be averted. Many Monday morning [...]

NRA Member Praises “Good Guy With A Gun” In Cincinnati

“We really dodged a bullet on Saturday, pun not intended of course,” said proud NRA member Thomas Ripley of La Grange, OH on a now deleted Facebook post. “If it wasn’t for that ‘good guy with a gun’, not [...]

George W. Bush: “Trump Tower Grill Taco Bowl Best I’ve Had”

The internet is abuzz with a tweet that Presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, made earlier today in honor of the Mexican “Cinco de Mayo” holiday seen below: Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I [...]

Obama to Paint Lincoln Bedroom Purple to Honor Prince

The tributes to late pop singer Prince have been many in the days following his untimely passing at the age of 57. In Minnesota, the Interstate 35 West bridge was lit purple in Prince’s honor. Similar tributes happened in New Orleans, [...]

Whole Foods to Charge Cover at California Stores

Soon it will be a little more costly for health conscious Californians to get their Whole Foods “fix”. The Whole Foods grocery chain is allegedly considering adding a “sliding scale cover charge” to enter their California [...]

Kobe Bryant to Spend Retirement Searching for “The Real Rapist”

As Kobe Bryant’s NBA career winds to a close, many have begun to speculate what is next for the world-renowned basketball star. Sources close to Bryant allege that he will not seek a career “in the spotlight”, but will instead [...]

Report: Bernie Sanders Bird Actually Obama Drone

A report of out of Washington D.C. alleges that the bird that “dropped in” on a Bernie Sanders rally in Portland, Oregon was not “an organic bird”, but a United States Government drone. The report comes from a White [...]

Donald Trump to Donate Brain for CTE Research

Multiple professional athletes have begun to come forward and announce they will be donating their brains to science to further study the effects of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). Former soccer standout, Brandi Chastain and former [...]

Boehner Criticizes Obama Gun Speech – “I Cry Better”

President Barack Obama delivered a speech on Tuesday that outlined his plans to attempt to curb gun violence in the United States. During what has been referred to in the media as an “emotional” speech, President Obama appeared [...]