12182017Headline:

Actress Comes Forward With Shocking Allegation: “I Was Not Sexually Assaulted By Harvey Weinstein”

By David Shankbone (Own work) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

<National Report>In a shocking turn of events, actress Joyce Taylor has broken her silence and proclaimed, “I was not sexually assaulted by Harvey Weinstein.”  This news comes on the heals of multiple allegations published by the New  York times against the once beloved Hollywood executive.

According to Ms. Taylor, she met Mr. Weinstein at a Hollywood night club at the age of 19.  As the night progressed she became increasingly intoxicated and found herself alone with the alleged serial harasser.  In a sworn statement given to officials Ms. Taylor states, “Why was I not sexually assaulted by Mr. Weinstein?  Was I not pretty enough?  Did I do something wrong?  I mean I may have been a bit overweight.  Was I not worthy of being assaulted?  These are all feelings I have struggled with since that fateful night.”

Bob Murphy, the attorney representing Ms. Taylor, had this to say, “I understand Joyce’s concerns, I mean she was in the right place at the right time, and feels she was entitled to be fondled, forced to perform fellatio, raped, something, anything.  In a way I think we have all been assaulted by Mr. Weinstein.”

The New York Times describes Mr. Weinstein as follows:

“(He) helped to reinvent the model for independent films, with movies such as “Sex, Lies, and Videotape,” “The English Patient,” “Pulp Fiction,” “The Crying Game,” “Shakespeare in Love,” and “The King’s Speech.” Beyond Hollywood, he has exercised his influence as a prolific fund-raiser for Democratic Party candidates, including Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Weinstein combined a keen eye for promising scripts, directors, and actors with a bullying, even threatening, style of doing business, inspiring both fear and gratitude. His movies have earned more than three hundred Oscar nominations, and, at the annual awards ceremonies, he has been thanked more than almost anyone else in movie history, just after Steven Spielberg and right before God.”

It is presumed there are more Joyce Taylor’s, possibly millions, out there waiting to tell their story of not being assaulted by Weinstein, however as of press time National Report was unable to find any additional non-victims.  This development only leads to more confusion surrounding the multitude of accusers suggesting that they had in fact been sexually assaulted by Mr. Weinstein.

 

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3 Responses to "Actress Comes Forward With Shocking Allegation: “I Was Not Sexually Assaulted By Harvey Weinstein”"

  1. lillian fabricant lillian fabricant says:

    This is just SO Joyce Taylor. I love her characters, she’s like Frances McDormand, only with amazing hair, and she can do those amazing long takes of crazy complicated dialog while making pancakes or assembling IKEA furniture without skipping a beat, but as much as I love her work, this is just, so…. Joyce Taylor. I’m sorry but she said the exact same kind of thing never happened to her about O.J. Simpson, even showing people where her breasts weren’t stabbed, at Hollywood pool parties and auditions, and I can’t recall the number of times she harangued some beleaguered producer about the MANY MANY times she has not been found all crazy in a bush, like Margot Kidder, or, after being about to reveal something about one of Hillary Clinton’s crimes, to find herself not be silenced in an ominous way, not even years later. She should stick to acting, she’s MUCH better at that, than she ever was at the things that don’t happen to her, even if there are a lot of examples of them
    , and even IF Weinstein’s standards are famously lax.

  2. Jane M. Agni says:

    I don’t understand why people are so surprised or outraged by Hollywood-types being pedophiles and insane sex perverts. If I see someone starring in a major motion picture I just go ahead and assume they’ve drank baby blood at least once, or raped a few animals on some ole’ Satan worship shit. And that was just to get their foot in the door.

    Give a person enough fame, money, and power and eventually they’ll be about as far removed from the common person as is humanly possible.

    That said, I have a shocking revelation of my own: Even though I’m a rich, and famous journalist, Weinstein never molested me either. The more I think about it the more I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

  3. Unwelcome Guest says:

    Good old Ben used to rape ’em. Horrid old Harvey just assaults them. Neo-Victorianism is progressing rapidly towards its pre-destined triumph.

    I really feel we men need female free safe zones to protect us during the terror to come. Long live the ‘Men Only’ sign.

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